New “Fave Five” Politically Sarcastic Jokes in Arabic—Before and After the “Arab Spring”
Posted on 25. Feb, 2012 by Hichem in Culture, Current Affairs, Geography, Vocabulary
For many years before the unexpected outbreak of the Arab Spring, people from countries such as Tunisia, Egypt, and Yemen, all armed themselves with an unfaltering amount of patience to face the heavily autocratic rule of their leaders—Well, that, of course, together with جُــــــــرعَةٌ مُفْرِطَــــــــــةٌ (an excessive dose) of sense of humor, which more often than not verged on the sarcastic and, why not put it frankly, the “hardboiled/noir” genre…
A military commander talking to his troops before an official استعــــراض عسكـــــري (military parade):
—”When the President makes his entrance, we will greet him by firing 21 bullets. Any questions?”
One of the soldiers goes like:
—”Yeah, well, what would I do if I get him with the first bullet?!”
The son of an Arab head of state who stubbornly refused the insisting demands of his people to step down and leave the country took part in the famous show “من سيربح المليـــــــــــون“ (“Who Wants to be a Millionaire?“)
Only one question remained before the son would win the big million…
The question said: “Who is currently the nastiest president in the Arab world?”
A bit puzzled as to what to say, he asked to call a friend.
He in fact ended up calling his dad… who told him:“Come on, son, you’re about to lose your dad for just a million…?”
“!حينمـــــا تطيـــــــــر التماسيـــــــــــح“ (“When Crocodiles Fly!“) In an elementary school, one مُدَرِّس (teacher) asked his students:
“A bird who enjoys the ability to speak and whose name starts with the letter P, anyone?”
One of the students quickly answered: “A parrot!”
So the teacher congratulated him: “Excellent! What’s your name, son?”
The student: “Ahmed”
The teacher: “And what’s your father do for a living?”
So the teacher congratulated him: “Excellent! What’s your name, son?”
The student: “Ahmed”
The teacher: “And what’s your father do for a living?”
The student: “He’s طَبِيـــــــــب (a doctor)”
So the teacher goes in front of the whole class: “See, kids, how smart children of doctors can turn out to be!”
Next question, the teacher asked: “A reputedly slow animal whose name starts with the letter T”
One of the students answered: “Turtle”
The teacher said: “Very good… What’s your name?”
So the teacher goes in front of the whole class: “See, kids, how smart children of doctors can turn out to be!”
Next question, the teacher asked: “A reputedly slow animal whose name starts with the letter T”
One of the students answered: “Turtle”
The teacher said: “Very good… What’s your name?”
The student: “Wael”
The teacher: “And what’s your father’s profession?”
The student: “He’s مُهَنْـــــدِس (an engineer)”
The teacher: “See, kids, how smart the children of engineers can be?”
After that, the teacher asked a third question: “A bird with huge wings, anyone?”
One of the students quickly answered:
“…تِمْسَـــــــــــــــاحٌ (a crocodile…)”
Angry and horrified, the teacher answered:
“Oh my… a crocodile?! What a complete moron!
Ok, tell me your name, idiot?”
Ok, tell me your name, idiot?”
The student: “Khalaf”
The teacher: “What’s your father doing, imbecile?”
The student: “عميــــــــــــــد(a Brigadier General) in the State security” Ouch!
The teacher said: “Ok, look darling, crocodiles can fly, but not too much, and if they tried just a bit harder, they sure would fly much higher”
“Tell me, please, If I were to throw a $100 from the plane, what would happen in the country?”
One minister replied: “Probably one of the people will find it and will become very happy”
A bit later he asked: “Ok, and what if I threw a $1000 from the plane, what would happen?”
Another minister said: “Probably a group of people will find it and will become very happy”
So he asked again: “And what if I threw $100,000 from the plane, what would happen then?”
A minister said: “Probably a town will find it and they will all be very happy”
At that point, قائــــــــــــد الطَّائـــــــــــــرة (the pilot) who became totally fed up with these questions said:
A minister said: “Probably a town will find it and they will all be very happy”
At that point, قائــــــــــــد الطَّائـــــــــــــرة (the pilot) who became totally fed up with these questions said:
“Yeah well, if I threw you all off the plane, I’m sure I’d make the entire country happy”
Finally, a cop was going on a routine walk in a popular سٌــــــــــــوق (market), when he passed by a guy who was selling pictures.
Everything seemed to be quite in order… until he noticed that pictures of Jesus Christ were selling for 15 dinars, while others depicting the president went for only 1 dinar.
Outraged, the cop asked البَائِــــــــــــع (the seller): “What is this? Pictures of Jesus Christ go for 15 dinars, while pictures of our glorious leader, you sell them for only one dinar?!”
The seller sarcastically fired back at the cop: “Ok, simple, just crucify him too, and I swear to God, the next day you’ll find me selling his pictures for 50 dinars!”
خريــــــــــــــــطة الثَّورات العربيـــــــــــــــــــــة (The Map of the Arab Revolutions)
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