French Language Blog

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And au fait (by the way), did we mention that he himself plays every single instrument you’re about to hear?

He is à la fois (in the same time):

- Guitariste (Guitar player),
- Batteur (Drum player),
and
- Bassiste (Bass guitarist)!

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You’ve most likely heard the original versions of the following songs and soundtracks, and you probably have already heard des reprises musicales (music covers) of them before. But what’s really great and unique about Sylvain CLOUX is that he brings them all to a whole new level—a “Heavy Metal” level, to a point where some of his fans wonder sometimes whether they prefer le morceau original (the original track) or la version de Sylvain !

Really worth checking out! Sans que je ne m’étale, voici un genie Français du Metal.
(Wihtout overly expanding on the subject, here’s to you a French genius of Metal)

* The Beatles “HELP!”:


Ever wondered si “Les Beatles” et Jimmy Hendrix avaient fait équipe (if they had teamed up), what the end result would’ve sounded like? Can’t really imagine? Well, let Sylvain to give you a little—”HELP”!

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* L’Agent “Double Zero Sept” (007) meets Sylvain CLOUX:

- “Mon nom est Bond, James Bond” (“[My name is] Bond, James Bond”)
- Sylvain also prefers the “007” soundtrack “frappé, non agité” (“shaken, not stirred”)!

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* Une Mission pas très Impossible (“A Mission Not So Impossible”) for Sylvain:

- The French proverb says: “À l’impossible nul n‘est tenu” (“No one is bound to do the impossible”)—sauf (except) Sylvain with la guitare !
- (Cette guitare s’auto-détruira dans 5 seconds… Bonne chance Sylvain)
(This guitar will self-destruct in 5 seconds… Good luck Sylvain)

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* Sylvain CLOUX’s “Les Pirates des Caraïbes” (“Pirates of the Caribbean”)

Unlike many other “pirates d’eau douce“ (literally “freshwater pirates”—One of many Capitaine Haddock’s favorite “expletives”!), Sylvain’s work is un trésor.

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Finally, for les vrais fans du genre (for the true fans of the genre), Sylvain plays a Metallica classique: “Sad But True.”

Chapeau bas, mec! (Hats off to you, buddy!)

- No, Arthur is not à la plage (at the beach) here; he’s just performing un plagiat (a plagiarism)!
- Craig Ferguson: “Wait a second, pal! Call me crazy, but this French thing has kind of a déjà vu to it?!”

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Tell me s’il vous plaît, is it only a deceiving “mental construct”, a mere “vue de l’esprit“, or is France actually experiencing some serious problèmes éthiques (ethical problems) as of late? You didn’t really notice?  Well, consider the following sequence of “épisodes“, and you won’t fail to distinguish a surprisingly significant pattern emerging in the span of only one year!

* Episode 1: A Not-So-Holly “Hand of Gaul”:


Henry and his “Hand of Gaul”
- L’année dernière (last year), a year and a week ago, the French Football team made it to the FIFA World Cup in South Africa at the unfortunate expense of les malheureux irlandais. But truth be said, it was mostly thanks to a treacherous “Hand of Gaul” (dubbed “la main de la honte” in France) by the otherwise impeccable striker Thierry Henry.

* Episode 2: “The Prix Clone-court” and “le clonage Wikipedia“ (“Wikipedia cloning”):

Michel Houellebecq: “Inrockuptible”? Maybe. But incorruptible? Not so sure, considering his “Wikipedia clonage“—”Raëlien”-style!

- This year, the French writer Michel Houellebecq was caught la main dans le sac (“red handed in the cookie jar”, you may say) with an outright plagiat (plagiarism) of not just a few lines, but rather entire paragraphs that he simply “cloned” online from Wikipedia.fr (the term “cloned” is actually the best fit. Click here if you want to know why!), without of course bothering to mention or even allude to this fact. Perhaps even more unsettling is that not only has he not been condemned by the official cercles littéraires, the French “literati” that is, but his “wikipedia-laden” book was somehow able to capture the oldest and most prestigious of all French literary prizes of this year, namely “le Prix Goncourt“(henceforth called “le Prix Clone-court“, as we’ve already coined it here in the French Blog!)

Craig Ferguson couldn’t believe his eyes! “Excuse my French, but what the Oh-la-la?!”

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* Episode 3: “Le Roi Arthur”: “Roi fainéant” de la Télé!
(“King Arthur”: A “Do-nothing King” of TV! )

Want to write a prize-winning book or start your own "TV hit show" without really trying? From now on, just try the new technique called"Copier/Coller" ("Cut and Paste")!

- Now, just two weeks ago, a French TV host by the name of Arthur, a well-known self-avowed “enfant de la télé” (“a TV child”), started a show he called “Ce soir avec Arthur” (“Tonight with Arthur”) on the French channel”Comédie!“, which is pretty much a French copycat of the American channel “Comedy Central” with a title reminiscing of “E!“… But, jusque là, ça peut toujours aller (until now, it can still be ok.) The only problem, it turns out, is that tout (everything), from the whole idea of the show, down to its featured marionnettes (puppets) and the title introduction, happen to be exactly identical to an already existing show airing on the American CBS channel, the five-year-old “Late Show with Craig Ferguson“!

Marcel Carné's "Les Tricheurs" ("The Cheaters") (1958)

That, of course, begs the larger question: Has France all of a sudden turned into a nation of unabashed tricheurs (cheaters)? And maybe even more importantly, when this treachery is finally exposed, do the culprits in question confess their mea culpa and then repent, or do they instead seek to justify their deeds through even more pathetic excuses? After all, didn’t Michel Houellebecq try to justify his “wikipedia cloning“ as a sort of “technique de brouillage litéraire” which only rare authors of his august pedigree are capable to perform? Didn’t Arthur also try to explain yesterday that “his show” -well, figure of speech- was in fact “no plagiarism”– no sir!- but rather “un hommage”? (Thus paraphrasing the old saying: “l‘imitation est la meilleure forme de flatterie“, or in English “Imitation is the best form of flattery“—Once again, no imagination or “creativity” whatsoever from Arthur: None while stealing the show in the first place, and none while trying to justify his theft afterwards!)

Make no mistake about it though, mesdames et messieurs (Ladies and Gentlemen): Most French people are truly outraged by such a behavior, and would never condone it, but it is essential that they speak out more often and condemn it out loud, because the France of 2010 surely deserves better “ambassadors” than those self-anointed “machines à clonage” (cloning machines.)

Tomorrow, the 11,300 of you who live aux États-Unis d’Amérique (y compris –including—Hichem et moi) will celebrate. Mais nous tous, on va fêter ici et maintenant.

Je suis redevable envers Vincent Cassel.

“L’Action de Grâce” ou “Thanksgiving” est une fête nationale (national holiday) durant laquelle on mange trop et on compte nos bénédictions (count our blessings).

Autant que je suis redevable (grateful) envers ma famille, mes amis, mes collègues… concentrons-nous sur vous, chers lecteurs. Let’s focus on what we have in common, which is that we love and hate French.

On this day of Sanks-gee-veeng (as our French friends would say), let us count our blessings. I made a list, with the help of un correspondant genevois (Genevan) et un autre correspondant suisse (Swiss), of what we’re grateful for chez les Français, and what we wish had never crossed the pond. (Merci Omar et Sasha!)

Vous êtes d’accord? What are you grateful for?

Je me sens redevable pour:

Les Vélibs <3

Paris Plage

Le vin rouge

Le Musée d’Orsay (NDLR: “musée” c’est masculin. Don’t get it twisted.)

La cuisine, “specifically anything braised” (Sasha le Suisse)

Croissants et café crèmes (« j’adore » -Sasha)

Falafels on Sunday at L’As du Fallafel (Sasha)

Les manifestations/ les grèves (demonstrations/strikes), « spécialités françaises » (Omar)

2-hour lunch breaks, “like going on strike every day” (Sasha)

“All the students in the 5^th arrondissement, because they don’t know they have drinking problems yet” (Sasha, verbatim)

Sunbathing by the Seine

La pluie en hiver (les six premiers jours… après ça ne compte plus)

Easyjet and Ryanair *disputed by Sasha, mais moi j’adore

Writing at Les Deux Magots and Café de Flore *disputed by me

L’intérieur de l’Institut du Monde Arabe

Le chocolat chaud servi dans des bols géants (j’adoooooooore)

Tintin et la Belgique en général (surtout le petit déj bruxellois)

Serge Gainsbourg

Brigitte Bardot, surtout les yeux

Vincent Cassel :  Merci. Merci.

L’Institut du Monde Arabe : Funded by OPEC members during the oil crisis, un bâtiment fabuleux

« Really, really pretty women, who are way too skinny for most people but not me » (Sasha) *disputed

Non, merci :

Men in neckerchiefs

Everything blue and white striped

Immigration policy

No food available after 3 AM (je suis de New York, après tout)

What else? Dites-moi… Why are we learning this language? Parce qu’on aime. For me it’s the hot chocolate- et pour vous?

‘Appy Sanks-gee-veeng!!