Today Adam explains what to do and what to expect if you’re going to visit a Polish person in his/her natural habitat. Read on:
Continuing the topic of advice for travelers and the occasional foreigner living in Poland, this time I decided to follow your suggestions and cover visiting someone at home (iść w gości).
Rule number one is that there are (unfortunately) no rules. What I mean by that, is, that contrary to some cultures where some customs need to be observed, in Poland there is no strict code to follow. Things vary from region to region, from city to city and from home to home. You are on your own, and moving in the savoir vivre mist. The general trend is the change from a warm and hospitable “country of the East” into the cold and stiff “country of the North”.
For instance: you would like to visit someone, should you announce yourself in advance? First of all, contrary to popular stereotypes about hospitable Poles, some people would rather not receive guests at home. Going out is becoming increasingly popular in Poland, and causes less hassle. I am one of those who usually don’t receive guests, and therefore I seldom visit anyone else at home. I would rather wait for someone’s invitation. I can imagine asking someone if I could pop round, but that would have to be someone close. Many people, especially in central and eastern parts of the country, Warsaw, and rural areas would, on the other hand, be more likely to happily receive unannounced guests. It is therefore worth to know your friends’ preferences.
When you are visiting someone, should you bring anything with you? Generally you don’t have to, however it would be a nice touch if you did. Flowers and wine? These would apply to some rather formal dinner parties, and even then I wouldn’t really advise them. A good idea, unless your hosts are on a diet, would be a box of chocolates. And among all kinds of chocolates, I would advise to avoid the cheapest and the most expensive (and tiniest).
The best idea of all times is a box of Ptasie Mleczko (literally “bird’s milk”), chocolate covered milk souffle, a Polish favorite. A great idea would be to bring a small gift (also food or drink) connected with the place of your origin or residence.
Some people, again looking at stereotypes, would think about bringing wódka (vodka). If you do know your hosts well, and you are sure they will not take such a gift in wrong way, and you know you will be drinking hard liquor, you may consider it. Among people I know it is rather rare to entertain with alcohol, other than wine – and that still seldom.
What may surprise you is that some people may ask you to take your shoes off and wear guest slippers (kapcie dla gości). And people visiting you also may feel obliged to take shoes off and wear slippers. Think about it in advance. If you have no problem with it, than everyone is happy.
I never take my shoes off in someone’s house. But I do have a few of “emergency” disposable beauty-salon slippers, just in case. I just don’t like the idea of sharing footwear. I would take it with me when visiting someone who I know expects guests to take shoes off and is uncompromising. I would also offer it to those visiting me, who cannot be convinced it is alright for them to wear their shoes on my carpets. Consider getting a pair.
What can you expect during your visit? Some people, regardless if this was what was scheduled, will offer you a rich meal of many dishes, including cakes. This is the old-style hospitality that is becoming more and more rare. Sometimes, especially when there was no mention of a meal in the invitation, you can expect tea/coffee and cookies.
During a meal, you do not have to eat everything. It would be a good idea to at least try everything you are given, even if you anticipate it might not be to your taste. A note to Americans: people will be surprised to see you cut your meats before eating, but you can go ahead with it, it might begin an interesting conversation.
Try to leave when your hosts are still hungry for your presence. It is always better than to leave them feeling you stayed too long.
Anna’s comment – all of my Polish relatives cut their meat before eating, they say it’s easier that way. I never thought it was anything unusual until it was pointed out to me by an American (of all people)!
