Russian Language Blog

Don’t take this song (or this post for that matter) very seriously. Not all husbands experience intense dislike of their mothers-in-law and not all mothers-in-law can’t stand their sons-in-law. 

This week Russians celebrate the festival of Масленица (Maslenitsa). We wrote a bit about it on this blog before in this post, this one and this one. If you joined us just recently or would like a quick refresher, here are some basic facts.

• It is sort of like Mardi Gras, except it lasts семь дней (seven days) instead of just one.
• It is spent eating lots and lots of блины (pancakes) with all sorts of fattening dairy products, such as творог (cottage cheese), сметана (sour cream) and, of course, масло (butter).
• Since most of the time the festival happens when it’s still cold and snowy, bikinis and throwing beads a la New Orleans are out, but снежки (snowball fights) and sleigh rides are in.
• Every day has its own name and related customs.

Speaking of customs, this is the time for strengthening family ties and building goodwill, particularly between sons-in-law and their mothers-in-law. In fact, not one, but two days of Maslenitsa are devoted to this.

During Maslenitsa week, Wednesday is the day when зять (son-in-law) is invited to тёщин дом (mother-in-law’s home) for some blini – к тёще на блины. Then on Friday it’s the son-in-law’s time to host and the mother-in-law stops by с ответным визитом (with a reciprocal visit).

So this Maslenitsa week, let’s talk about зятья (sons-in-law) and тёщи (mothers-in-law). First, some Family Structure 101. In English, things are simple. Assuming traditional family structure, once a couple gets married, they each acquire a couple of in-laws – a mother-in-law and a father-in-law.

In Russia things are a bit more complicated. Жена (a wife) becomes невестка (daughter-in-law) to her свёкр (husband’s father) and свекровь (husband’s mother). Муж (a husband), on the other hand, becomes зять (son-in-law) of тесть (wife’s father) and тёща (wife’s mother).

Yet it is тёща that towers above all of them presenting a truly archetypal figure. The number of анекдоты (jokes) about тёща is probably larger than those about Вовочка (little Johnny) and all the characters from 17 мгновений весны (17 Moments of Spring) combined. And, as they say in Russia, в каждой шутке есть доля правды (every joke has a grain of truth in it).

Here are some of the most едкие (caustic) jokes:

Дети – цветы жизни; тёща – кактус смерти.

(Children are the flowers of life; Wife’s mother is a cactus of death)

Тёщa копошится у мaшины перед домом. Зять из окнa:

– Мaм, кудa это вы собрaлись?
- Нa клaдбище, сынок.
- А кто мaшину потом домой пригонит?

(Wife’s mother is unlocking the car. Son-in-law asks: “Mom, where are you going? She: “To the cemetery, son” He: “Ok, but who’s going to bring the car back?”)

Тёща сидит на диване. Над её головой висят старинные массивные часы. Когда тёща встаёт, часы падают. - Вечно они опаздывают! – раздосадовано говорит зять. 

(Wife’s mother is sitting on a couch. Above her hangs the clock. As she gets up and leaves, the clock falls down.  The husband, angrily, exclaims: “This clock is always late!”)

Not to say that all mothers-in-law and their sons-in-law are sworn enemies. Still, as this article points out, дружеские отношения (friendly relationship) between the two are залог успеха (key to success) in marriage. It further suggests some goodwill gestures to win расположение тёщи (wife’s mother’s good graces). Turns out that, since тёща – тоже женщина (wife’s mother is a woman too), flowers and gifts for birthdays and March 8^th as well as some timely compliments should do the trick. Another suggestion is спрашивайте мнение тёщи в некоторых не принципиальных для вас вопросах (ask wife’s mother for her opinion in non-essential matters).

So if you are going to visit your mother-in-law this Maslenitsa week, bring her a bouquet of flowers, inquire about her health, and cap it all off by suggesting loudly that your wife should ask her mother for the secret to these delicious блины.

Happy Maslenitsa week!

Do you like celebrating Valentine’s Day? If so, then I bet you had everything prepared days ahead – цветы (flowers), шоколад (chocolate), шампанское (Champaign), and, of course, a romantic валентинка (Valentine’s Day card). And if you don’t like this holiday, then you are probably too busy doing all the last-minute shopping to read this post.

День святого Валентина (Valentine’s Day) is a relatively recent addition to Russia’s long list of holidays worth celebrating. Back in the (not so distant) days of my youth, we had no such holiday and instead saved all the card-making and flower-buying for 8 марта (March 8^th, Women’s Day).

So I am both amazed and amused by энтузиазм (the enthusiasm) with which Russians now отмечают этот праздник (are celebrating this holiday; lit. marking this holiday). Consider this article in Комсомольская Правда (Komsomolskaya Pravda). Turns out, в Петербурге в день всех влюблённых откроется пункт регистрации вечной любви (a Center for Registration of eternal love will open up in St. Petersburg on Valentine’s Day).

What’s the deal here? Ok, apparently, влюблённая пара (a couple in love) will be able to profess their deep and eternal love for each other in романтическая атмосфера (a romantic setting) complete with розовые воздушные шары (pink balloons), цветы (flowers) and ангелочки (little angels), the latter presumably pictures or статуэтки (figurines). And since no love is official without some form of документация (paperwork), an official certificate will be issued at the end of a ceremony. With love thus documented, couples can proceed to чаепитие (tea drinking).

Here’s something else I learned from the same article. For those wanting to get married instead of all this silly eternal love business, some restaurants will offer венчание по-американски (American-style wedding). And by American-style, they mean по-лас-вегасски (Las Vegas-style). That’s right. Imagine this – while you are waiting for your романтический ужин (romantic dinner), you can surprise your date with a real wedding ceremony complete with алтарь (an altar), пастор (pastor) live from Las Vegas via Skype, кольца (wedding bands), букет невесты (bridal bouquet), фата (bridal veil), живые бабочки (live butterflies) and Элвис Пресли (Elvis Presley) and Мерилин Монро (Marilyn Monroe) as witnesses. And, a few days after the ceremony, you will even get свидетельство о браке (a marriage certificate), exactly like the ones issued in Nevada.

Of course, that’s all fine and dandy if you are in St. Petersburg. But turns out, Екатеринбург (Yekaterinburg) is not a bad place either if you want your Valentine’s Day to be weird. Their plans include массовая прогулка по набережной (a group stroll along an embankment) and массовый флешмоб поцелуй (a group flash-mob kiss). Just to clarify this last one – couples are invited to start kissing during the song from the movie Titanic. For something a bit more mainstream, Yekat will also offer festive ice-skating and decorating trees with paper hearts. And although любовь греет (love keeps you warm), participants will be invited to warm up with a traditional чаепитие (tea drinking).

If you don’t like this holiday (or what’s become of it), then you better spend it in my native Волгоград (Volgograd). Sure, they will also have a kissing flash mob and a film festival. But one of the local churches is organizing a youth встреча (gathering) called Антивалентин (Anti-valentine) where such things as кризис любви (crisis of love) and любовь в поэзии (love in poetry) will be discussed and Catholic and Orthodox Christian saints will be compared. This gathering will conclude with, what else, чаепитие (tea drinking).

But since most of us are not in Russia on this holiday (next year, right?), maybe we can sign our Valentine’s Day cards with a simple «Я тебя люблю!» (I love you!) or a fancier «Ты всегда в моём сердце» (You are always in my heart). Then put a kettle on the stove, open a box of chocolates and sit down to чаепитие with your loved one.

P.S. As a tribute to the holiday, please post a line from a Russian poem about love. You don’t have to translate it, but if you do know the author and the title, please include that. 

Doesn’t look like much, does it? Yet this fairly unassuming doorway, with a four-letter acronym ЗАГС, leads to a life of (hopefully) married bliss. This particular door is for the ЗАГС is in my hometown of Volgograd. I walked by it countless times as a child and was inside the office only twice, at a friend’s wedding and at my grandparents’ fiftieth anniversary.

I am going shopping for a set of two фаянсовые чашки (earthenware tea cups) today. It is a gift for a friend who is celebrating девятая годовщина свадьбы (ninth wedding anniversary). In Russia, the ninth is known as фаянсовая свадьба (earthenware wedding). So let’s talk weddings today.

Have you ever had a chance to be a guest at a Russian wedding? If not, you can still observe some of the traditions while vacationing in Russia and touring the sights. So what exactly is свадьба по-русски (Russian-style wedding).

To begin with, it’s a really big deal. Most weddings are celebrated с размахом (in a big way). This doesn’t necessarily mean шикарная церемония (lavish ceremony). The emphasis is on число гостей (the number of guests) as well as on celebrating от души (from the heart).

Let’s start by learning Russian words for the most important participants in a wedding ceremony:

Жених – a groom

Невеста – a bride

Свидетельница – a maid of honor (lit: a witness since she will be witnessing the registration of the marriage record)

Свидетель, also known as шафер or дружка – a best man (lit: a witness, for the same reason)

Nowadays many Russian couples венчаются в церкви (have a church wedding ceremony). Венчание literally means crowning. During the ceremony свидетели (see above свидетель and свидетельница) hold венки (wedding crowns or wreaths) over the couple’s heads.

The official paperwork is not handled by the church, but instead the happy couple goes to расписаться (register the union, lit: sign) to a local отдел записей гражданского состояния (registry office), ЗАГС for short.

But before that happens, a groom must go through an ordeal known as выкуп невесты (paying ransom for the bride). It is a game in which the groom and his friends are met at the entrance into bride’s house or apartment building by bride’s friends and guests.

To advance, a groom must pass through a series of tests, such as come up with as many ласковые имена (tender names) for his суженая (bride, lit: the intended one) as there are steps to the door. He might be challenged to remember meaningful dates and numbers – date of первое свидание (first date), date when he сделал предложение (proposed), the bride’s clothing sizes, etc. Or he might have to dance or sing or pass other tests. If he doesn’t pass a test, he can buy his way to the bride’s door by giving away candy, chocolates, Champaign, vodka, or money.

Once the groom gets to the bride, they make their way outside to свадебный кортеж (a wedding train or cavalcade). It is easy to tell the bride-and-groom’s car in the procession.

Not only will it be the front car, but also the fanciest looking one and the most decorated. Some of the most popular decorations include large golden обручальные кольца (wedding bands), цветы (flowers), ленты (ribbons), куклы-невесты (dolls dressed up in wedding dresses), воздушные шары (balloons), and колокольчики (bells).

At this point, the bride and groom are driven to ЗАГС (registry office) where they will go through a short церемония бракосочетания (marriage ceremony):

The bride and the groom enter под звуки свадебной музыки (accompanied by the wedding music). Traditionally, it’s Свадебный марш Мендельсона (Mendelson’s Wedding March). Регистратор (registering official) greets everyone and addresses the couple with a pretty standard spiel.

She  reminds everyone that this is самое прекрасное и незабываемое событие в жизни (the most beautiful and unforgettable event in life). She mentions the importance of family and великий долг друг перед другом и перед будущим детей (great obligation to each other and to the future of children).

Then брачащиеся or брачующиеся (entering into the marriage; an official and infrequently used word) confirm that their decision to create a family is искреннее (sincere), взаимное (mutual) and свободное (here: of free will). Once the bride and the groom both answer да, they sign the registry.

And that’s when the words объявляю вас мужем и женой (I declare you a husband and a wife) are finally said and the newlyweds целуются (kiss each other). The official then says a few напутственные слова (parting words), congratulates the couple and the guests and everyone gets to raise the first Champaign toast to the new family.

Now that the official part is over with, the semi-official поездка по городу (city tour) begins followed by a reception. More on that later. Now I have to go buy my чайный сервиз (tea set or tea service) or I risk turning up at the friend’s party с пустыми руками (empty-handed).