{"id":3733,"date":"2012-09-14T08:00:43","date_gmt":"2012-09-14T08:00:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/?p=3733"},"modified":"2012-09-14T05:13:08","modified_gmt":"2012-09-14T05:13:08","slug":"doing-business-russian-style","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/doing-business-russian-style\/","title":{"rendered":"Doing Business \u043f\u043e-\u0440\u0443\u0441\u0441\u043a\u0438"},"content":{"rendered":"

http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=UotHbpIiGS8<\/a><\/p>\n

It\u2019s the end of the week, so let\u2019s do something fun. How about watching cartoons? Some time ago I found a cartoon on YouTube called \u0411\u0438<\/span>\u0437\u043d\u0435\u0441 \u043f\u043e-\u0440\u0443<\/span>\u0441\u0441\u043a\u0438<\/strong> (Russian-style Business). Of all the episodes I could find, I liked \u0422\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0430<\/span><\/strong> (Pipe) one the most.<\/p>\n

The story is of \u043e\u0431\u044b<\/span>\u0447\u043d\u044b\u0439 \u0440\u043e\u0441\u0441\u0438\u044f<\/span>\u043d\u0438\u043d<\/strong> (an ordinary Russian) who comes up with various \u0431\u0438<\/span>\u0437\u043d\u0435\u0441-\u0438\u0434\u0435<\/span>\u0438<\/strong> (business ideas) and get rich quick schemes. Almost immediately he starts losing money. First, \u00a0while on his way to various \u0438\u043d\u0441\u0442\u0430<\/span>\u043d\u0446\u0438\u0438<\/strong> (authorities) he gets stopped by a wolf dressed as a traffic cop. The wolf becomes the first in line for \u0432\u0437\u044f<\/span>\u0442\u043a\u0430<\/strong> (bribe). He is also the first character that brings to mind some excellent \u043a\u0440\u044b\u043b\u0430<\/span>\u0442\u044b\u0435 \u0444\u0440\u0430<\/span>\u0437\u044b<\/strong> (catch phrases):<\/p>\n

\u0422\u0430\u043c\u0431\u043e<\/span>\u0432\u0441\u043a\u0438\u0439 \u0432\u043e\u043b\u043a \u0442\u0435\u0431\u0435<\/span> \u0442\u043e\u0432\u0430<\/span>\u0440\u0438\u0449<\/strong> (Look for friends elsewhere. Lit: Tambov wolf is your comrade).<\/p>\n

\u0422\u043e\u0432\u0430<\/span>\u0440\u0438\u0449 \u0432\u043e\u043b\u043a \u0437\u043d\u0430<\/span>\u0435\u0442, \u043a\u043e\u0433\u043e<\/span> \u043a\u0443<\/span>\u0448\u0430\u0442\u044c<\/strong> (Comrade wolf knows whom to eat)<\/p>\n

As our hero makes it through all the different levels of \u0431\u044e\u0440\u043e\u043a\u0440\u0430<\/span>\u0442\u0438\u044f<\/strong> (bureaucracy), he spends all his money on various fees and bribes until he emerges \u0431\u0435\u0437 \u0448\u0442\u0430\u043d\u043e<\/span>\u0432<\/strong> (without pants), ready to join the ranks of \u0431\u0438\u0437\u043d\u0435\u0441\u043c\u0435<\/span>\u043d\u044b<\/strong> (businessmen).<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s when his adventures really begin. The \u0422\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0430<\/span><\/strong> episode begins with him searching the web for \u0430\u0443\u043a\u0446\u0438\u043e<\/span>\u043d<\/strong> (an auction), using all the different misspellings he can think of. Why? Because that way only the inner circle of \u0441\u0432\u043e\u0438<\/span> \u043b\u044e<\/span>\u0434\u0438<\/strong> (those who belong; lit: our people) will find and bid on the best deals.<\/p>\n

He finally comes up with an idea to type in \u044b\u044b\u043a\u0446\u044b\u043e\u043d <\/strong>(as you probably know, there are no Russian words that start with \u044b<\/strong>.)<\/p>\n

Sure thing, he finds an auction for a \u201cpipe\u201d. Usually, the word \u0442\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0430<\/span><\/strong> is preceded by an adjective clarifying just what kind of a pipe this is – \u0437\u0430\u0432\u043e\u0434\u0441\u043a\u0430<\/span>\u044f \u0442\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0430<\/span><\/strong> (a factory smokestack), \u043f\u0435\u0447\u043d\u0430<\/span>\u044f \u0442\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0430<\/span><\/strong> (a stove pipe), \u0432\u043e\u0434\u043e\u043f\u0440\u043e\u0432\u043e<\/span>\u0434\u043d\u0430\u044f \u0442\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0430<\/span><\/strong> (a water pipe), \u0430\u044d\u0440\u043e\u0434\u0438\u043d\u0430\u043c\u0438<\/span>\u0447\u0435\u0441\u043a\u0430\u044f \u0442\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0430<\/span><\/strong> (wind tunnel). By itself, \u0442\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0430<\/span><\/strong> usually means a horn, a type of musical instrument as in \u0423 \u043d\u0430\u0441 \u0441\u043e\u0441\u0435<\/span>\u0434 \u0438\u0433\u0440\u0430<\/span>\u0435\u0442 \u043d\u0430 \u043a\u043b\u0430\u0440\u043d\u0435<\/span>\u0442\u0435 \u0438 \u0442\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0435<\/span><\/strong> (Our neighbor plays clarinet and horn). Curiously, \u0442\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0430 all by itself also came to mean \u043d\u0435<\/span>\u0444\u0442\u0435\u043f\u0440\u043e\u0432\u043e<\/span>\u0434<\/strong> (oil pipeline) or \u0433\u0430<\/span>\u0437\u043e\u043f\u0440\u043e\u0432\u043e<\/span>\u0434<\/strong> (gas pipeline) as in the title of this article<\/a> \u0420\u043e\u0441\u0441\u0438<\/span>\u0438 \u043d\u0435 \u043d\u0443\u0436\u043d\u0430<\/span> \u0443\u043a\u0440\u0430\u0438<\/span>\u043d\u0441\u043a\u0430\u044f \u0442\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0430<\/span><\/strong> (Russia doesn\u2019t need Ukrainian gas pipeline).<\/p>\n

Owning a stake in an oil or gas pipeline is a sure bet for getting rich quick. If only you can \u0441\u0435\u0441\u0442\u044c \u043d\u0430 \u0442\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0443<\/span><\/strong> (get in on the pipe deal; lit; to sit on a pipe)! Then the family would never had to face the possibility of \u0441\u0438\u0434\u0435<\/span>\u0442\u044c \u043d\u0430 \u0445\u043b\u0435<\/span>\u0431\u0435 \u0438 \u0432\u043e\u0434\u0435<\/span><\/strong> (to live on bread and water alone).<\/p>\n

\n

The pipe, as it turns out, is from \u044d\u043b\u0438<\/span>\u0442\u043d\u044b\u0439 \u0436\u0438\u043b\u043e<\/span>\u0439 \u043a\u043e<\/span>\u043c\u043f\u043b\u0435\u043a\u0441 \u0440\u0430\u0431\u043e<\/span>\u0442\u044b \u0426\u0435\u0440\u0435\u0442\u0435<\/span>\u043b\u0438, \u043f\u043e\u0434 \u043d\u0430\u0437\u0432\u0430<\/span>\u043d\u0438\u0435\u043c \u0414\u0432\u043e\u0440\u0435<\/span>\u0446 \u0441\u0435<\/span>\u0440\u0434\u0446\u0430<\/strong> (an elite housing development by Zurab Tsereteli, called \u201cPalace of the Heart\u201d). If you\u2019ve been to Moscow, you\u2019ve undoubtedly seen at least a couple of Tsereteli\u2019s creations, most notably the one above,\u00a0\u043f\u0430<\/span>\u043c\u044f\u0442\u043d\u0438\u043a \u041f\u0435\u0442\u0440\u0443<\/span> \u0412\u0435\u043b\u0438<\/span>\u043a\u043e\u043c\u0443<\/strong> (statue of Peter the Great<\/a>). It is officially recognized as both one of the world\u2019s tallest and ugliest statues.<\/p>\n

Spoiler Alert:<\/strong> do not read any further if you\u2019d rather find out by yourself what\u2019s in the pipe.<\/p>\n

As it turns out, the pipe is \u043a\u0430\u043d\u0430\u043b\u0438\u0437\u0430\u0446\u0438\u043e<\/span>\u043d\u043d\u0430\u044f \u0442\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0430<\/span><\/strong> (sewer pipe). Faced with a giant sewer pit, our businessman is trying to figure out how to make money from \u044d\u043a\u0441\u043a\u0440\u0435\u043c\u0435<\/span>\u043d\u0442\u044b<\/strong> (excrements).<\/p>\n

Russian language has lots of other words for \u0444\u0435\u043a\u0430<\/span>\u043b\u0438\u0438<\/strong> (faeces), including the rude\u00a0\u0433\u043e\u0432\u043d\u043e<\/span><\/strong> (sh**) and its milder version \u0434\u0435\u0440\u044c\u043c\u043e<\/span><\/strong> (crap). The difference in usage is similar to that of the corresponding English words. In addition to describing waste matter, these words are also applied to things that are worthless, useless, low quality, and in general good for nothing.<\/p>\n

The \u0422\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0430<\/span><\/strong> cartoon plays on this double-meaning. As you watch how the hero attempts to make the best of \u0434\u0435\u0440\u044c\u043c\u043e<\/span>\u0432\u0430\u044f \u0441\u0438\u0442\u0443\u0430<\/span>\u0446\u0438\u044f<\/strong> (a crappy situation), think of these phrases:<\/p>\n

\u041a\u043e\u043c\u0443<\/span> \u044d<\/span>\u0442\u043e \u0434\u0435\u0440\u044c\u043c\u043e<\/span> \u043d\u0443<\/span>\u0436\u043d\u043e?<\/strong> (Who needs this crap?) – this can be asked about anything that\u2019s perceived to be useless or of low quality. For example, \u0412\u0430<\/span>\u0441\u044f \u0445\u043e<\/span>\u0447\u0435\u0442 \u043f\u0440\u043e\u0434\u0430<\/span>\u0442\u044c \u0441\u0432\u043e\u044e<\/span> \u0441\u0442\u0430<\/span>\u0440\u0443\u044e \u041e\u043a\u0443<\/span>, \u043d\u043e \u043a\u043e\u043c\u0443<\/span> \u044d<\/span>\u0442\u043e \u0434\u0435\u0440\u044c\u043c\u043e<\/span> \u043d\u0443<\/span>\u0436\u043d\u043e?<\/strong> (Vasya is thinking about selling his old Lada Oka<\/a>\u00a0car, but who needs this crap?)<\/p>\n

\u0412 \u043c\u0430\u0433\u0430\u0437\u0438<\/span>\u043d\u0435 \u0438 \u043d\u0435 \u0442\u0430\u043a\u0438<\/span>\u043c \u0434\u0435\u0440\u044c\u043c\u043e<\/span>\u043c \u0442\u043e\u0440\u0433\u0443<\/span>\u044e\u0442<\/strong> (A store sells even crappier stuff) – very true and applicable no matter where you live. If you want some more edutainment on the subject of crap sold in stores, listen to this song called \u041a\u0443\u043f\u0438<\/span> \u0433\u043e\u0432\u043d\u043e<\/span><\/strong> (Buy sh**<\/a>).<\/p>\n

\u0421\u0434\u0435<\/span>\u043b\u0430\u0442\u044c \u0438\u0437 \u0434\u0435\u0440\u044c\u043c\u0430<\/span> \u043a\u043e\u043d\u0444\u0435<\/span>\u0442\u0443<\/strong> (lit. To make candy out of crap) – this is not to be taken literally, of course. But with some clever \u043c\u0430<\/span>\u0440\u043a\u0435\u0442\u0438\u043d\u0433<\/strong> (marketing) and packaging, even total crap can be successfully sold to millions (I bet you can think of a few examples). In fact, when the hero goes to two \u043c\u0430\u0440\u043a\u0435\u0442\u043e<\/span>\u043b\u043e\u0433\u0438<\/strong> (market specialists), they say \u043e\u0442\u043a\u0440\u044b<\/span>\u0442\u044b\u043c \u0442\u0435<\/span>\u043a\u0441\u0442\u043e\u043c<\/strong> (openly) that they never marketed anything other than \u0434\u0435\u0440\u044c\u043c\u043e<\/span><\/strong> (crappy stuff).<\/p>\n

\u0423 \u043d\u0430\u0441 \u0441\u0432\u043e\u0435\u0433\u043e<\/span> \u0434\u0435\u0440\u044c\u043c\u0430<\/span> \u0434\u043e\u0441\u0442\u0430<\/span>\u0442\u043e\u0447\u043d\u043e<\/strong> (We have plenty enough of our own crap) – this is a handy, if rude, phrase to use when someone tries to pass to you some unwanted junk, such as an old 13-inch TV.<\/p>\n

Soon a brilliant \u043b\u0435\u0433\u0435<\/span>\u043d\u0434\u0430<\/strong> (legend, here – a story behind a product) is created based on the\u00a0\u0442\u0440\u0438 \u0431\u043e\u0433\u0430\u0442\u044b\u0440\u044f<\/span><\/strong> (three mythical warriors) stories. You do know them, right?<\/p>\n

Thanks to \u0436\u0438\u0432\u043e\u0442\u0432\u043e\u0440\u044f<\/span>\u0449\u0438\u0439 \u043c\u0430<\/span>\u0440\u043a\u0435\u0442\u0438\u043d\u0433<\/strong> (life-bringing marketing; the word life-bringing is used ironically here), the crap now renamed \u043d\u0430\u0440\u043e<\/span>\u0434\u043d\u044b\u0439 \u043f\u0440\u043e\u0434\u0443<\/span>\u043a\u0442<\/strong> (National Product) takes off in a big way. \u00a0Naturally,\u00a0the government officials become interested. They immediately claim it as \u043d\u0430\u0440\u043e<\/span>\u0434\u043d\u043e\u0435 \u0434\u043e\u0441\u0442\u043e\u044f<\/span>\u043d\u0438\u0435, \u043f\u043e\u043f\u0430<\/span>\u0432\u0448\u0435\u0435 \u0432 \u0447\u0430<\/span>\u0441\u0442\u043d\u044b\u0435 \u0440\u0443<\/span>\u043a\u0438<\/strong> (national asset that ended up in private hands). It is also a national heritage, something that is going to be \u043e\u0441\u0442\u0430<\/span>\u0432\u043b\u0435\u043d\u043e \u043f\u043e\u0442\u043e<\/span>\u043c\u043a\u0430\u043c<\/strong> (left to the future generations) and as such must be controlled by the government, just like \u0433\u0430\u0437<\/strong> (natural gas), \u043d\u0435\u0444\u0442\u044c<\/strong> (oil), \u0437\u043e<\/span>\u043b\u043e\u0442\u043e<\/strong> (gold), and \u0421\u043e\u043b\u0436\u0435\u043d\u0438<\/span>\u0446\u0438\u043d<\/strong> (Solzhenitsyn), all appearing on the \u041d\u0430<\/span>\u0448\u0435 \u0412\u0441\u0451!<\/strong> (Our Everything!) map.<\/p>\n

And so the government tries to bring down the private company with requests for mountains of paperwork. But all the paperwork is \u0432 \u0438\u0434\u0435\u0430<\/span>\u043b\u044c\u043d\u043e\u043c \u043f\u043e\u0440\u044f<\/span>\u0434\u043a\u0435<\/strong> (in perfect order), including proof of voting for the ruling political party.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why the government adopts a different strategy introducing a government-controlled competitor \u0413\u043f\u0440\u043e\u043c<\/strong> (Gprom; an unsubtle hint at GazProm) that builds its own pipes at the Palace of the Heart. Gprom starts selling the Product at rock-bottom rates, but one must bring their own containers and do their own scooping from the cesspit. Nevertheless, plenty of people buy into the bargain ruining the hero\u2019s pipe dreams.<\/p>\n

He finds himself \u043f\u043e \u0443<\/span>\u0448\u0438 \u0432 \u0434\u0435\u0440\u044c\u043c\u0435<\/span><\/strong> (up to his ears in crap) quite literally since the stores send back to him the unsold packages of the National Product. He realizes that \u0434\u0435<\/span>\u043b\u043e \u0442\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0430<\/span><\/strong> (things are bad), but it’s too late. He \u0432\u044b\u043b\u0435\u0442\u0430<\/span>\u0442\u044c \u0432 \u0442\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0443<\/span><\/strong> (goes broke).<\/p>\n

If you like this episode, there are 5 more available on YouTube.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s the end of the week, so let\u2019s do something fun. How about watching cartoons? Some time ago I found a cartoon on YouTube called \u0411\u0438\u0437\u043d\u0435\u0441 \u043f\u043e-\u0440\u0443\u0441\u0441\u043a\u0438 (Russian-style Business). Of all the episodes I could find, I liked \u0422\u0440\u0443\u0431\u0430 (Pipe) one the most. The story is of \u043e\u0431\u044b\u0447\u043d\u044b\u0439 \u0440\u043e\u0441\u0441\u0438\u044f\u043d\u0438\u043d (an ordinary Russian) who comes up…<\/p>\n

Continue Reading<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":39,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":""},"categories":[8,7826],"tags":[253005,253004,253001,7755,26812,111747,253002,253003],"class_list":["post-3733","post","type-post","status-publish","hentry","category-language","category-when-in-russia","tag-funny-russian-phrases","tag-how-to-say-it-in-russian","tag-russian-business","tag-russian-cartoons","tag-russian-catch-phrases","tag-useful-russian-phrases","tag-253002","tag-253003"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3733","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/39"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3733"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3733\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3735,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3733\/revisions\/3735"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3733"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3733"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3733"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}