{"id":6662,"date":"2014-07-30T05:05:15","date_gmt":"2014-07-30T05:05:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/?p=6662"},"modified":"2018-08-16T14:59:52","modified_gmt":"2018-08-16T14:59:52","slug":"russian-mail-order-brides-part-ii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/russian-mail-order-brides-part-ii\/","title":{"rendered":"Russian Mail-Order Brides (Part II)"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you missed the beginning of the story, here it is<\/a>\u00a0.<\/p>\n

<\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a> The challenges faced by couples that get together on these mail-order bride sites are many. Too often, the woman does not speak English very well, or at all.\u00a0It is hard enough to effectively communicate with one another if you speak the same language. Just imagine the difficulty faced by these couples.\u00a0Russian women coming to America are usually<\/span>\u00a0giving up quite a bit. Unfortunately, this simple fact is frequently overlooked by their husbands-to-be.<\/span>\u00a0Often<\/span>\u00a0the woman<\/span>\u00a0has a job to quit or she drops out of college, she says goodbye to family and friends, perhaps for a very long time. She really is putting all of her eggs<\/span>\u00a0into one basket.<\/span>\u00a0She is diving into a completely different culture to which she has to adapt.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

<\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a> On the other hand,<\/span>\u00a0the American man is faced with the possibility that he is simply her \u201cmeal ticket\u201d and that once she gets her\u00a0US<\/span>\u00a0citizenship, she will leave him.<\/span>\u00a0Bringing her to America\u00a0will cost\u00a0him\u00a0thousands of dollars in fees, tickets, time off work, and so on.\u00a0He may be putting his reputation on the line with his friends and family – this could be a big deal to him. Likely, his friends and family may think he is going to make a big mistake by marrying in this fashion. Some couples won\u2019t even admit to meeting their wives this way. At the end of the day, he still has his job, his home, his family and friends close by.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

<\/a> A\u00a0member of my immediate family<\/span>\u00a0married a man she had met online.<\/span>\u00a0He<\/span>\u00a0soon<\/span>\u00a0came over to stay with her in\u00a0Belarus<\/span>\u00a0for several months.<\/span>\u00a0They had a pretty decent time while he was visiting. The American<\/span>\u00a0dollar went a<\/span>\u00a0long way. They went out to dinners, visited museums, and\u00a0did other things that were planned \/offered by the Russian party. They seemed\u00a0to be getting along fairly well, though as with any relationship, things weren\u2019t always perfect.\u00a0The gentleman was retired, so he was able to stay for quite a while. He came over twice spending an average of three to five months each time (due to the fact that the paperwork that would allow\u00a0the lady<\/span>\u00a0to go to America<\/span>\u00a0was taking an unusually long time, even with a lawyer).<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

<\/a><\/a> After finally coming to America, \u00a0the things quickly deteriorated. It turned out that the husband-to-be wanted to watch TV 24\/7 and had very little concern about how his new wife is adapting to her new life.\u00a0When arguments began, they were often accompanied by the phrase, \u201cI\u2019ll have you deported so fast it\u2019ll make your head spin,\u201d or something like that.\u00a0My family member<\/span>\u00a0was given a car by her spouse, which was a nice thing to do; however, when the relationship ran into problems, the air would be let out of the tires. The phone cords would all be taken out of the wall, the money would be taken away,\u00a0etc. With no money, no real ability to speak the language, no phone, what could she do? Would anybody put up with this for long?\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

An American woman would likely divorce a man if the relationship became bad enough;\u00a0a<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>Russian woman<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>– who<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>is<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>in a new country with few friends, connections, financial resources, and very limited knowledge about how things work in America<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>–<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>might be more likely to stay in an abusive or loveless marriage because of her fear of not being able to make it on her own.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

<\/a><\/a> When these women come to the\u00a0US, they often are completely dependent upon their spouse in the same way an infant depends on\u00a0her<\/span>\u00a0parents for everything. In\u00a0many cases, the male spouses do<\/span>\u00a0not educate their wives about how the household finances work and what it means to live on credit (not cash, like most people still do in Russia). A typical American lifestyle is very very different from a typical Russian lifestyle; many things seem strange and require explanation. I have witnessed stories where the husband would give the wife a small amount of money\u00a0believing<\/span>\u00a0that this was all they needed to know about finances.\u00a0Lack of trust, as justified as it may be,<\/span>\u00a0is the seed from which a lot of other issues end up sprouting over time.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Now, in all fairness,\u00a0I understand that ulterior motives<\/span>\u00a0is what concerns most men marrying these women.\u00a0Sure, she may be using the man to get a green card. She may want to marry a man so he can buy things, bring her family to USA, and so on<\/span>\u00a0but if you start the relationship treating someone like they are on probation, you will probably not get very far. I believe, there are ways to protect your assets without making one feel like a second class citizen\u00a0<\/span>J<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u00a0.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a> In closing,\u00a0if you have decided to take this course of action, know what you are getting yourself into: prepare to be a teacher and a student, realize that this \u201csubject\u201d takes a while to master, and under no circumstances take it lightly. If you do, you are just wasting everybody\u2019s time. In a lot of cases the marriage deteriorates simply because one or both spouses do not fathom the depth of cultural differences and the need to learn and adapt to them . Multicultural marriages require a lot of work and if you want to make one last, you better be ready to roll up your sleeves and put in the time. Too many of the<\/span>\u00a0Russian-bride situations I know<\/span>\u00a0have ended badly or are ongoing and ought to end. As many of you already know, a successful marriage is something you have to work at – it doesn\u2019t just happen. It is filled with more challenges than one can imagine. When both spouses are from the same country, speak the same language, and share the same culture, the divorce rate is close to one out of every two. With that in mind, you can easily imagine the struggles these couple face when they are from very different cultures, speak vastly different languages, and do not equally share in the risks associated with getting married. If after reading the material you are still planning to find someone special in Russia, here are some words that you might find helpful \ud83d\ude42 . <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u0436\u0435\u043d<\/span><\/span>\u0430<\/span><\/span><\/span> (<\/span>wife) <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u0423 \u043d\u0435\u0433\u043e \u043e\u0447\u0435\u043d\u044c \u043a\u0440\u0430\u0441\u0438\u0432\u0430\u044f <\/span><\/span>\u0436\u0435\u043d<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u0430<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>. (<\/span><\/span>He has a very beautiful wife.) <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u043c\u0443\u0436<\/span><\/span><\/span> (<\/span><\/span>husband)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u041c\u043e\u0439 \u0431\u044b\u0432\u0448\u0438\u0439 <\/span>\u043c\u0443\u0436<\/span><\/span> \u043e\u0447\u0435\u043d\u044c \u043c\u043d\u043e\u0433\u043e \u0440\u0430\u0431\u043e\u0442\u0430\u043b. (<\/span>My ex-husband worked a lot.)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u0414\u0430\u0432<\/span><\/span>\u0430<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u0439 \u043f\u043e\u0436<\/span><\/span>\u0435<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u043d\u0438\u043c\u0441\u044f!<\/span><\/span>(Let’s get married!)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u0412\u044b\u0445\u043e\u0434<\/span><\/span>\u0438<\/span><\/span><\/span> \u0437\u0430 \u043c\u0435\u043d<\/span><\/span>\u044f<\/span><\/span><\/span> \u0437<\/span><\/span>\u0430<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u043c\u0443\u0436<\/span><\/span>. (<\/span>Marry me. – when a man proposes)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u041a\u0430\u0442\u044f, <\/span>\u0432\u044b\u0445\u043e\u0434<\/span><\/span>\u0438<\/span><\/span><\/span> \u0437\u0430 \u043c\u0435\u043d<\/span><\/span>\u044f<\/span><\/span><\/span> \u0437<\/span><\/span>\u0430<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u043c\u0443\u0436!<\/span><\/span> (<\/span>Katya, marry me!)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u0416\u0435\u043d<\/span><\/span>\u0438<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u0441\u044c \u043d\u0430 \u043c\u043d\u0435<\/span><\/span>. (<\/span>Marry me. – when a woman offers herself as a wife)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u041e\u043d<\/span><\/span>\u0430<\/span><\/span><\/span> \u0435\u0433<\/span><\/span>\u043e<\/span><\/span><\/span> \u043d\u0430 \u0441\u0435\u0431<\/span><\/span>\u0435<\/span><\/span><\/span> \u0436\u0435\u043d<\/span><\/span>\u0438<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u043b\u0430<\/span><\/span>. (<\/span>She made him marry her). <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u043c\u043e\u043b\u043e\u0434\u043e\u0436<\/span><\/span>\u0435<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u043d\u044b<\/span><\/span> (<\/span>newlyweds) <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u041c\u043e\u043b\u043e\u0434\u043e\u0436<\/span><\/span>\u0435<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u043d\u044b \u0432\u043e\u0437\u0432\u0440\u0430\u0449<\/span><\/span>\u0430<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u044e\u0442\u0441\u044f \u0437<\/span><\/span>\u0430<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u0432\u0442\u0440\u0430<\/span><\/span>. (<\/span>The newlyweds are coming back tomorrow.) <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u0440\u0430\u0437\u0432<\/span><\/span>\u043e<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u0434<\/span><\/span> (<\/span>divorce)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u043f\u043e\u043d\u0438\u043c<\/span><\/span>\u0430<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u043d\u0438\u0435<\/span><\/span> (<\/span>understanding)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u0433\u0430\u0440\u043c<\/span><\/span>\u043e<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u043d\u0438\u044f<\/span><\/span> (<\/span>harmony)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u043b\u044e\u0431<\/span><\/span>\u043e<\/span><\/span><\/span>\u0432\u044c<\/span><\/span> (<\/span>love) <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you missed the beginning of the story, here it is\u00a0. The challenges faced by couples that get together on these mail-order bride sites are many. Too often, the woman does not speak English very well, or at all.\u00a0It is hard enough to effectively communicate with one another if you speak the same language. Just…<\/p>\n

Continue Reading<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":114,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[349644,1211,1227,349643,117498],"class_list":["post-6662","post","type-post","status-publish","hentry","category-culture","tag-marry-a-russian","tag-russia","tag-russian-culture","tag-russian-marriage","tag-russian-wife"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6662","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/114"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6662"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6662\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11168,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6662\/revisions\/11168"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6662"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6662"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.transparent.com\/russian\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6662"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}