When you learn a new language, you don’t only learn about the language. The language itself is a door into a new cultuur, which comes with its own set of gewoonten, tradities, ideologïen and karaktertrekken. When you learn a new language and interact with the people who speak that language, you open a door to a new world, a world that doesn’t always mix well with your set of ideas or beliefs.

I am all for experiencing new things, having interesting and sometimes schandalig or scandalous conversations, however, we all have our limits. I will try anything and speak about anything so long as this “anything” doesn’t come near my box of precious or sacred ideas. Because of this, I find today’s post especially helpful to me (and hopefully to you!) when interacting with Dutch-speakers.

Every cultuur tends to have a set of questions that are taboe or not open for discussion. In some cultures money might be a forbidden topic, in others sexuality, and still in others age or marital status is taboe.

So what do you say when you encounter these conversations that you wish never to speak about? How do you phrase questions of difficult topics in a way that you don’t offend anyone?

To ask someone something that might be een gevoelige vraag or a sensitive question, you can add the following phrases to your question:

Mag ik je vragen: hoe lang je al bent getrowd?

Sorry dat ik het vraag maar ben je zwanger?

Adding the mag ik je vragen or the sorry that ik het vraag gives your question a tone of sensitivity or caution.

If you, on the other hand, are asked a question that you don’t feel comfortable answering or talking about, the following are polite ways of saying “back off”:

Nou, dat vind ik nogal persoonlijk.

Dat zeg ik liever niet.

Dat houd ik voor mezelf.

If someone persists or you are downright offended, these phrases might be best:

Hier geef ik geen antwoord op.

Dat zijn jouw zaken niet.

Dat gaat je niets aan.

I will clarify that this always depends on what you don’t say. Your tone of voice, how you position your body and your facial expressions will add or take away intensity from your comment. Saying Nou, dat vind ik nogal persoonlijk with a raised voice, an angry face and with defensive body language will definitely not sound friendly. Remember that body language usually says a lot more than our words.

 

Useful Vocabulary:

nieuwsgierig– nosy

de gewoonte- de custom

de cultuur- the culture

de traditie- the tradition

de karaktertrek- the trait

schandalig- scandalous

de taboe– the taboo

Useful Phrases:

Mag ik je vragen?- May I ask you a question?

Sorry dat ik het vraag maar…- Sorry that I ask, but…

Nou, dat vind ik nogal persoonlijk.- I find that rather personal.

Dat zeg ik liever niet.- I rather not say.

Dat houd ik voor mezelf.- I will keep that to myself.

Hier geef ik geen antwoord op.- I will give no answer.

Dat zijn jouw zaken niet.- That is not your affair/ That is none of your business.

Dat gaat je niets aan.- That does not concern you.