Have you read «12 стульев» [12 Chairs] yet? If not, don’t wait another second! There’s simply no excuse for not reading this «классика» [classic] especially since it is a) available online for free and b) available online in English.

Just a few days ago Mosfilm uploaded both «первую и вторую серии» [Part 1 and Part 2] to its YouTube channel, but without English subtitles. So you see, there’s simply no excuse for you not to be familiar with this «литературное произведение» [work of literature].

Apart from this being one of my favorite books, the one that I read at least 50 times and out of which I memorized entire pages, it is one of the most important sources for «крылатые слова и выражения» [proverbial words and expressions] that conversational Russian is full of.

Without reading it, you will not understand a phrase «лёд тронулся, господа присяжные заседатели» [things are moving, gentlemen of the jury] or references to «Новые Васюки» [New Vasyuki].

The story begins on a morbid note – an old lady dies and representatives from several small-town casket makers vie for a chance to sell their wares to the heir. Right away the readers are taught a lesson in «живой русский язык» [real Russian language], particularly a range of euphemism for “to die”. These are based on the «конституция» [body type] and «социальное положение» [social standing] of «покойник» [dead person]:

«преставиться» – pass away

«отдать богу душу» – depart this life

«сыграть в ящик» – pop off

«приказать долго жить» – breath one’s last

«перекинуться» – croak

«протянуть ноги» – to go west

«дать дуба» – kick the bucket

«гигнуться» – to be gone (although this is a terribly imprecise translation, but it carries the meaning of not being anything special since it is reserved for men of no importance at all)

Of course, don’t take it too seriously since the book is a) a work of fiction in b) «жанр сатиры и юмора» [satire and comedy genre].

The book then goes on and introduces such undying phrases as

«Дело помощи утопающим – дело рук самих утопающих» [Assistance to drowning persons is in the hands of those persons themselves]

 

«Ключ от квартиры, где деньги лежат» [Key of an apartment where the money is]

«От мёртвого осла уши» [Ears from a dead donkey]

«Почём опиум для народа?» [How much is opium for the masses?]

«Утром деньги – вечером стулья» [Money in the morning, chairs – in the evening]

 

«Не учите меня жить» [Don’t teach me how to live.]

«Он любил и страдал. Он любил деньги и страдал от их недостатка» [He loved and suffered. He loved money and suffered from the lack of it.]

The book revolves around the misadventures of the three main characters – «Остап Бендер» [Ostap Bender], his «напарник» [partner] «Киса Воробьянинов» [Kisa Vorobyaninov] and their «конкурент» [rival] «отец Фёдор» [Father Fyodor].

Along the way, a bunch of colorful characters is introduced. One of them, «Эллочка-людоедка» is particularly interesting and funny, especially if you are trying to learn Russian.

First, her name «Эллочка» is confusing. You’d think her name is «Элеонора» [Eleonora], but as it turns out, «Эллочка» in this case is a derivative of «Елена» [Yelena]. In case you are wondering, other derivatives of this very common Russian name include, but not limited to «Алёна» [Alyona], «Лёля» [Lyolya], «Лёка» [Lyoka], «Леся» [Lesya] and «Люся» [Lyusya].

Second, even though the book was written in 1928, it made open fun of the «догнать и перегнать Америку» [catch up and surpass the US] cliché that became so central to the Communist Party politics. Ella the Cannibal was, after all, in an unending and lopsided competition with an American heiress.

Finally, Ellochka was able to compress the entire «великий и могучий русский язык» [great and mighty Russian language] into a 30-word vocabulary! She used it «легко и свободно» [easily and fluently] to successfully express very complex emotions and thoughts and communicate with her «лучшая подруга» [best friend], «муж» [husband] and department store clerks.

Sounds intriguing? Well, check out Chapter 22nd for the list of words and examples of use. If you do so, you’ll notice that the list in the book is incomplete – only 17 out of 30 words are listed. Care to take a guess what the other 13 might be?