I’ve only been with this blog for a few weeks and I’m already breaking «расписание» [schedule] that Josefina and I planned for this month. I was supposed to tell you how to make a particularly tasty Russian salad. But I feel that, given the time of the year and the fact that many of «наши читатели» [our readers] plan to travel to Russia at some point, there are «более важные» [more important] things to talk about.

 

Specifically, I want to talk about how to dress for a Russian winter in order to avoid stern talking-to’s from the ever-present «бабушки» [old ladies; lit. grandmothers]. But let me back up and say that there are two ways of dealing with «бабушки». First is «игнорировать их замечания» [to ignore their comments]. Second is to bundle up.

 

In reality, since «бабушки» can’t be outnumbered and have nothing better to do but spend their days «судача» [tattling] about you, the only way to avoid their dirty looks and «колкие замечания» [barbs] is to bundle up.

 

Technically, you can try defending your under-dressed self with the following proverb:

«Держи голову в холоде, живот – в голоде, а ноги – в тепле»

[Keep your head in the cold, belly – starving, but feet – warm]

But I doubt it would help (never helps me when I am being lectured by my own Mom on this subject).

And if you don’t think this is a serious issue, then read a comment from one of this blog’s readers, Kari, who was asking a while back for advice to “fight off the babushkas that invade my private space with their concern over my daughter’s warmth! I tell my husband that just ONE more comment that I am (a bad mom) not dressing my child more enough from Russians in the city and I just may explode!”

So, here’s a quick primer on how to dress yourself and your child for Russian winters.

 

«Колготки» [tights] – admittedly, is not the item to be visually inspected by «бабушки» [the old ladies], but better be safe than sorry. Warm tights are a must for women and children (of both sexes). Men will have to wear «подштанники» [warm ankle-length undergarments that go underneath the pants, hence the name].

 

«Свитер» [sweater] – layer it over a shirt, «водолазка» [a turtleneck sweater], or anything that doesn’t look thick and warm. If you are dressing a child, put a couple of sweaters on.

 

«Носки» [socks] – whether you wear «колготки» [tights] or not, put on a pair of very warm woolen socks. The thick and itchy white or grey hand-knitted ones, made and sold by «бабушки» are the best.

 

«Пальто» [coat], «шуба» [long fur coat], or «куртка» [jacket] – which one you are going to end up wearing depends largely on your gender and your personal preferences. Generally, however, men do not wear «шуба». Whatever it is you wear, it has to look very warm, very thick, and very bulky to be «одобренно» [approved] by «бабушки».

 

«Шапка» [hat] – you might as well stay home and wait for summer if you don’t wear a hat. And when you do put one on, make sure it covers your ears. When choosing a hat for a small child, get the one «с завязочками» [with strings that tie under the chin; lit. with the ties].

 

«Шарф» [scarf] – men can get away with wearing short and fairly thin (think flannel or thin felt) ones also referred to as «кашне» [neckscarf]. These are typically worn over a «свитер» [sweater], but underneath «пальто» [coat] or «куртка» [jacket].

 

Children must have their thick wooly scarves tied over their coats. Whether you tie the scarf in the front or in the back depends on the age of your child. Under 5 – tie in the back so that the child doesn’t get a chance to fiddle with the knot. Plus you’ll score some extra points for pulling the thus-tied scarf over the child’s mouth so he or she «не дышит холодным воздухом» [don’t breath the cold air].

 

«Варежки» [mittens], «перчатки» [gloves] – remember, «мужики варежек не носят!» [men don’t wear mittens]. Mittens are generally for children. Again, for some extra approval points, sew the mittens onto a length of elastic ribbon and thread it through the arms of your child’s coat.

 

Finally, «сапоги» [boots] – let’s just say, get the warmest boots you can find and you’ll be good to go.  When selecting boots, think of lots of snow, iced-over sidewalks and possibly long waits for «автобус» [a bus], «троллейбус» [a trolleybus] or «трамвай» [tram or streetcar] and you’ll naturally avoid all the high-heeled low-cut no-good fashion nonsense.

 

So, let’s say you «закутали» [bundled up] yourself and your child and are ready to go enjoy the snow – maybe build «снеговик» [a snowman] or «кататься на санках с горки» [sled down a hill]. Here’s the final check before exiting out of your apartment and into «бабушкино поле зрения» [old lady’s field of vision]:

 

If you can easily move your arms or legs, you are likely underdressed. If your child can, without your help, get up to standing from sitting on the floor, he or she is most definitely underdressed. Quickly, put on an extra sweater.

 

Follow these simple instructions and leave the old ladies if not speechless (that’s impossible), then at least admitting that you «знаешь, как одеваться по погоде» [know how to dress according to weather].