Don’t take this song (or this post for that matter) very seriously. Not all husbands experience intense dislike of their mothers-in-law and not all mothers-in-law can’t stand their sons-in-law. 

This week Russians celebrate the festival of Масленица (Maslenitsa). We wrote a bit about it on this blog before in this post, this one and this one. If you joined us just recently or would like a quick refresher, here are some basic facts.

• It is sort of like Mardi Gras, except it lasts семь дней (seven days) instead of just one.
• It is spent eating lots and lots of блины (pancakes) with all sorts of fattening dairy products, such as творог (cottage cheese), сметана (sour cream) and, of course, масло (butter).
• Since most of the time the festival happens when it’s still cold and snowy, bikinis and throwing beads a la New Orleans are out, but снежки (snowball fights) and sleigh rides are in.
• Every day has its own name and related customs.

Speaking of customs, this is the time for strengthening family ties and building goodwill, particularly between sons-in-law and their mothers-in-law. In fact, not one, but two days of Maslenitsa are devoted to this.

During Maslenitsa week, Wednesday is the day when зять (son-in-law) is invited to тёщин дом (mother-in-law’s home) for some blini – к тёще на блины. Then on Friday it’s the son-in-law’s time to host and the mother-in-law stops by с ответным визитом (with a reciprocal visit).

So this Maslenitsa week, let’s talk about зятья (sons-in-law) and тёщи (mothers-in-law). First, some Family Structure 101. In English, things are simple. Assuming traditional family structure, once a couple gets married, they each acquire a couple of in-laws – a mother-in-law and a father-in-law.

In Russia things are a bit more complicated. Жена (a wife) becomes невестка (daughter-in-law) to her свёкр (husband’s father) and свекровь (husband’s mother). Муж (a husband), on the other hand, becomes зять (son-in-law) of тесть (wife’s father) and тёща (wife’s mother).

Yet it is тёща that towers above all of them presenting a truly archetypal figure. The number of анекдоты (jokes) about тёща is probably larger than those about Вовочка (little Johnny) and all the characters from 17 мгновений весны (17 Moments of Spring) combined. And, as they say in Russia, в каждой шутке есть доля правды (every joke has a grain of truth in it).

Here are some of the most едкие (caustic) jokes:

Дети – цветы жизни; тёща – кактус смерти.

(Children are the flowers of life; Wife’s mother is a cactus of death)

Тёщa копошится у мaшины перед домом. Зять из окнa:

– Мaм, кудa это вы собрaлись?
– Нa клaдбище, сынок.
– А кто мaшину потом домой пригонит?

(Wife’s mother is unlocking the car. Son-in-law asks: “Mom, where are you going? She: “To the cemetery, son” He: “Ok, but who’s going to bring the car back?”)

Тёща сидит на диване. Над её головой висят старинные массивные часы. Когда тёща встаёт, часы падают. – Вечно они опаздывают! – раздосадовано говорит зять. 

(Wife’s mother is sitting on a couch. Above her hangs the clock. As she gets up and leaves, the clock falls down.  The husband, angrily, exclaims: “This clock is always late!”)

Not to say that all mothers-in-law and their sons-in-law are sworn enemies. Still, as this article points out, дружеские отношения (friendly relationship) between the two are залог успеха (key to success) in marriage. It further suggests some goodwill gestures to win расположение тёщи (wife’s mother’s good graces). Turns out that, since тёща – тоже женщина (wife’s mother is a woman too), flowers and gifts for birthdays and March 8^th as well as some timely compliments should do the trick. Another suggestion is спрашивайте мнение тёщи в некоторых не принципиальных для вас вопросах (ask wife’s mother for her opinion in non-essential matters).

So if you are going to visit your mother-in-law this Maslenitsa week, bring her a bouquet of flowers, inquire about her health, and cap it all off by suggesting loudly that your wife should ask her mother for the secret to these delicious блины.

Happy Maslenitsa week!