[This article is a continuation of a series of articles on becoming a Thai Buddhist monk.]

Beyond memorizing the chanting you also should practice kneeling like a monk. While most Thais have no problem with it, the larger heavier framed farang can find it painful. I certainly did. As a monk, you’ll be expected to kneel one to two hours per day.

For me, the kneeling position with the toes to the ground (tepF paH butL, เทพบุตร) resulted in extreme pain within ~5 seconds. After practicing this position for a few weeks I made major improvements . . . I can now kneel 3 times longer, or 15 seconds before extreme pain . . .

Obviously it just wasn’t going to happen for me. So instead I knelt the way which is appropriate for women, called tepF tiH daaM เทพธิดา. This position doesn’t hurt the toes as your feet are flat to the ground, and looks convincingly appropriate when you’re naturally farang-tall and have robes covering up the feet. After practicing I was able to do it for 15 minutes before excruciating pain – just enough to finish my chanting.

When it was clear I was in pain the monks let me go into the popL piapF พับเพียบ position for relief. This is the traditional polite Thai way of sitting. If it ever gets uncomfortable just swap sides. This position was also once a fad to counter ‘planking’ which was ‘destroying Thai culture,’ or whatever . . .

You also need to mentally prepare yourself to shave your head, beard, and your eyebrows. But don’t worry too much – you’ll have what looks like a military crew-cut within 2 weeks, and your eyebrows will look ‘normal’ within 4 weeks. Stop shaving two weeks before you leave the monkhood, and nobody beyond your friends will be the wiser.

Note:
Only Thai monks shave their eyebrows, but why? It’s actually a very recent change within the Thai Buddhist monkhood, only ~200 years ago or so. Supposedly the invading Burmese dressed up soldiers as monks to act as spies, so the Thais had their monks shave their eyebrows to out the Burmese fakes. But . . . I’m not sure if the Burmese quickly figure it out, or what happened to Thai monks that didn’t ‘get the memo’ . . . or even why they still do it despite the war with Burma ending more than a century ago.

And lastly, you need to prepare a ‘monk kit’. This includes toiletries, a pillow and sleeping bag, sandals, shaving essentials, any medicines you need, laptop/phone and chargers, towel, ID, etc. Only the bare essentials. Check with your sponsoring monk about what they already have which can be borrowed. Also, bring whatever you need for the day you leave the monkhood, such as a pair of clean clothes. If you forget or run out of something, another monk might be able to loan you something, or you can use the money a follower donated to buy it.

Oh, and if you plan to be a monk for any significant time, like more than a week or two, don’t forget to ‘winterize’ your vehicle. Fuel can go bad and it’ll mess up your engine and carburetor. If anything, poor Stabil into your fuel tank right before filling it full at the gas station on your drive to the temple. Cheap and takes seconds. For really long term (a month or longer), you need to drain your fuel line, fog it, and put the battery on a trickle charger. Search Google and Youtube for instructions. I left my vehicle parked at the temple the entire time I was a monk.