I am a romantic at heart. When watching television; tv shows, movies, soap operas… my one guilty pleasure is swooning over romantic marriage proposals. From the carefully planned dinners with the ring in a piece of ice cream, to the spontaneous proposals in the spur of the moment, with nothing but a piece of string to put around a finger… they all appealed to my romantic heart. And I have to admit… Dutch men have a lot to learn about romance. True… men everywhere have a lot to learn about romance and some Dutch men ARE romantic souls… but let me tell you how usually people get married in the village I came from.

It all starts easy enough. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl and vice versa, boy and girl start to date. So far so good.

Now, we get to the habit where all adolescent girls no longer get birthday presents they would actually like and enjoy… No, from the age of thirteen (especially if the girl dates a boy) the girl starts receiving convenient gifts she could use in her future house hold. From this age she will be collecting her ‘uitzet’ and I’m sorry… but I couldn’t find a proper English translation.

Towels, all kinds of cleaning cloths, glasses, mugs, silver wear, china, food processors, sowing machines, blenders, pots and pans… anything you can imagine using at home… those are the gifts you’ll start to receive.

So, girl is creating a nice collection for IN the house, while the boy studies, finds a job and saves money to be able to BUY a house.

The expression: “Hij heeft het nestje al, nu alleen nog het vogeltje” (he’s got the nest, now all he needs is the bird” is often heard where I come from.

And of course, the girl studies, finds a job and saves money to be able to buy the furniture for in the house. Of course, the money stays put in a savings account until she’s actually required to buy furniture. Often this happens after the engagement and the house is ‘prepared’ to be lived in. Tiles for kitchen, living room and bath room are chosen, wall paper designs are chosen and finally the shopping spree for furniture begins.

Where I come from, the boy makes sure the house is ready for live in and pays for that… while the girl takes care of almost everything else that belongs in the house.

Now, before we get to that moment… there is of course a need for a proposal.

Fortunately, these days women aren’t so easy to catch with a standard proposal or sometimes even – I kid you not- NO proposal at all!

What often used to happen is… when boy paid for the house or already had a house… and he had been seeing the girl for at least a couple of years… usually a term like: Well, when should be pick out the rings? Or… Isn’t it time to get married or something?… is all the girl gets and be content with. So, boy and girl go to the jeweller, pick a couple of golden rings and continue the business of informing the family, picking the date, shopping for the wedding dress, planning the reception… etcetera, etcetera.

Like I said, those times are luckily fading and men seem to realize that women need to be romanced every now and again… ESPECIALLY at such a crucial cross roads as the marriage proposal.

I just saw the movie Stepmom, I swoon and I sigh… and I pray that Dutch men will learn something about the oh so hated ‘chick flicks’!