Hey, there!

Hoje é terça-feira e vamos animar um pouco o dia com um pouco de humor in (clean!) English! As palavras e expressões mais difíceis estão traduzidas.

The Artist

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”

“The guy was your doctor.”

if there had been = se tinha tido, havido
on display = em exibição
inquire = perguntar
appreciate in value = aumentar o valor

Drinking and Driving

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations.

At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer Test to determine his blood-alcohol content. The results showed a reading of 0.0.

The puzzled officer demanded to know how this could be. He even offered medical assistance if he was ill. The driver just smiled at him and said that all was fine. He went on to say, “I must confess I was just the designated decoy for the evening!”

stake out = vigiar, ficar na espreita
rowdy = barulhento
DUI = drink under the influence, beber enquanto dirige
fellow = cara, homem
stumble = cambalear
trip = tropeçar
curb = meio-fio, guia da calçada
fumble = mexer, tatear
meanwhile = enquanto isso
patrons = clientes
Breathalyzer Test = teste do bafômetro
designated = designado, “da vez”
decoy = isca