How About ‘Getting Married’ in Russian? Posted by josefina on Nov 29, 2009 in language
There’s one thing I’ve always had trouble expressing in the Russian language. No, it’s not «мои чувства» [plural: my feelings], but something that has not so much to do with me as a matter of fact. For years now I’ve struggled with the following: how to say in Russian that two women are married? Perhaps you’re thinking to yourselves right now – “Why on Earth would you ever have to say such a thing!” As a matter of fact one of my best friends back home in Sweden is a woman married to another woman (the woman she’s married to is Russian, which sometimes makes my effort in trying to put it «в русских словах» [in Russian words] rather comical) and thus this «естественно» [naturally] comes up in conversation from time to time. But in Russian is it not so easy to express this because there is one verb used for when a man gets married and an entirely different one for when a woman gets married, even though what it all comes down to is the same for both sexes: first «свадьба» [wedding], then «брак», and – for quite a lot of people these days – «развод» [divorce].
For men the verb used is «жениться» [to get married]. Since that almost literally translates into English as ‘to get/take/acquire a wife’, then it is rather obvious that it needs to be followed by an object (the wife) «в предложном падеже» [in prepositional case]: «жениться на ком?» [to get married to whom? (lit. to get married ON whom?)]. After a man is married he becomes «женат» [married], which seems like a logical word now the he has «жена» [a wife]. For example:
«Пётр Иванович женился на Насте» – [Pyotr Ivanovich got married to Nastya (diminutive of Anastasia)].
«Ваня женат на Наташе» – [Vanya is married to Natasha].
For women not just one verb is used in Russian language, but a combination of a verb and an adverb: «выйти/выходить замуж» [to get married]. Literally this phrase translates into English as ‘to go out after (your) husband’, and thus it is no surprise that the question we must ask afterwards to turn the expression to a complete sentence is: «за кого?» [after whom?]. The perfect form of the verb «выйти замуж» is used when you’re talking about a) the future; or b) doing it only once. If you’ve done it more than once, then the verb form you’re looking for is imperfect: «выходить замуж». Once a woman is married in Russia she becomes «замужем» [married (lit. ‘after (her) husband’], which also is very logical considering that she has «муж» [a husband] now. For example:
«Вера Васильевна вышла замуж за Пашу» – [Vera Vasil’evna got married to Pasha (diminutive of Pavel)].
«Дарья замужем за Михаилом» – [Daria is married to Mikhail].
In Russia it is tradition to go around town and pose for pictures in front of all sorts of «памятники» [monuments] after the wedding together with family and friends. Why not do like this happy couple and go to the picturesque little town of «Павловск» [Pavlovsk] outside Saint Petersburg to create those unforgettable shots?
And now for the tricky part – if the verbs concerning marital status in Russian is so gender specific, then how to say something like: “My friend is married to a woman”? «Моя пордуга замужем за женщину» [My friend is married (fem.) to a woman]? «Моя подруга женат на женщине» [My friend is married (masc.) to a woman]? Both of these sentences are principally wrong and equally incorrect and cause Russians only to laugh. Believe me; I’ve tried them both more than once. Also I’ve tried saying something like «моя подруга вышла замуж за женщину» [my friend got married (fem.) to a woman] and «моя подруга женилась на женщине» [my friend got married (masc.) to a woman]. In the last sentence I use the verb «жениться» so badly and grammatically erroneous that you should not under any circumstances whatsoever make a note of it!
But the thing is that even though it is not yet legal in Russia for same sex couples to get married here, Russians are far from foreign to the concept. After all, people everywhere are still people and will love each other in many different ways even though heterosexuality may be the only officially accepted form. Russian language may still lack the proper verb for it, but after all it has one verb concerning marriage that is only used when the subject is plural: the perfect form of «пожениться» [to get married]. You can’t use this perfect form with the pronoun «он» [he], it is only used with «они» [they]. And ‘they’ doesn’t necessarily have to be «он и она» [he and she], but could just as likely stand for «она и она» [she and she] or «он и он» [he and he]. That’s why I can always save the day by simply saying:
«Они поженились» – [They got married].
Or even «мои подруги поженились» [My (female) friends got married] if I feel like being a little bit more specific…
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Comments:
Ed in St. Louis:
Josefina,
Thanks for posting this interesting observation. I have wondered the same thing. Russian is a living language. Therefore, one can only hope that as marriage between same-sex couples becomes more accepted, the Russian language will also adapt and create a new word or grammatical structure.
Perhaps the gay community in Russia already has adopted a suitable alternative phrase? Based on what I’ve read on the internet, gay people in Russia are not as open about their sexuality as they are here in the States, the UK, Canada or other parts of Europe. Therefore, my guess is that the gay community’s alternative wording is probably hidden from heterosexual people. In America, we use the phrase, “(s)he is in the closet” to describe someone who has not revealed his/her sexuality to others.
You should ask the Russian wife of your lady friend if she knows if an “underground” phrase has been adopted among gay and lesbian Russians. Then let us know what she says. Curious Russian language learners want to know! 🙂
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pup:
Да, великий, могучий. Можно сказать, что они состоят в браке, but this variant reeks of formalism. However this is something I would probably say to a person I know only slightly. As for the expression of the event itself, it might very well conveyed by моя подруга Маша вступила в брачный союз с девушкой. This one is sure to be followed by “Не понимаю. Так что, они лезбиянки?” to which you could answer “Да, у них однополый брак”. The last phrase is very colloquial.
Svetlana:
Josefina,
I liked your post, as usual. Just a few notes, if you don’t mind).
1) «Пётр Иванович женился на Настье» – name misspelled (must be “Насте”)
2) You’re right saying “жениться на КОМ-ТО” and “женат на КОМ-ТО” with the noun in the same case, but in case of “замуж/замужем” it’s different:
“выйти замуж за КОГО-ТО”, but “быть замужем за КЕМ-ТО”. So, it would be correct to say
«Дарья замужем за МихаилОМ»
«Моя пордуга замужем за женщинОЙ»
3) And one more: «Моя подруга женат на женщине» – as a Russian, I’d say “жената”. As I see it, it’s illogical to use this word as feminine (for it means “to have a wife”, as you correctly noticed), but grammatically it’s ok 🙂
Barbara:
Josefina,
Fascinating post! I didn’t realize “being married” was so tricky in Russian!
Angelika:
Balshoye spaciba! I am learning Russian, and thoroughly enjoy your clever blog.
What a great question, and explanation. Thank you for making my seemingly endless and sometimes hapless learning experience become that much more enjoyable!
p.s. I agree!
Colin:
Another interesting post, Josefina, and the comments from native speakers are a welcome addition. You’re not afraid to deal with potentially tricky subjects, which makes your blog a vital resource.
Charles:
Hi Josefina!
I discussed this very interesting post of yours with my Russian wife last night – and thought I’d share the results with you!
Чарльз женился на Инне (prepositional of Инна)
Чарльз женат на Инне (ditto)
Чарльз женатый мужчина (Charles is a married man).
Инна вышла замуж за Чарльза (genitive, кого?) – from the concept выйти – to go behind.
Literally, Inna goes behind, or takes her place, behind her husband.
Инна замужем за Чарльзом
Meaning – Inna now has her place behind her husband Charles. Note, the verb находиться – to be positioned – is implied but not said/written between Инна and замужем.
Finally, when we got married, I learnt that its traditional to give good wishes to newly-weds with the phrase “совет до любовь” – literally may you have “council of love” together.
Best regards
Charles
Инна замужняя женщина
Inna is a married woman – using (so Im told, an adverbial adjctive, and I have NO idea what that is!)
Svetlana:
Charles,
I hope you don’t mind if I comment on “совет до любовь”
In fact, it is “совет дА любовь”. It appeared long ago, when “совет” had a meaning of “mutual understanding, friendship, harmony”,
so they wish “love and harmony” 🙂
Josefina:
Hi everyone! Thank you all, especially Svetlana for correcting my mistakes! I finally fixed them in the post. I’ll get back with a post about vocabulary for dating next time…
Charles:
Thanks for the input Svetlana! I’ve seen it spelt both ways – is there any significance in the difference?
Best regards
Charles
Svetlana:
Charles, thanks) I myself study English and I know how important it is to have some contact with native speakers!
As for “до” and “да”, there is a crutial difference between them!
“До” is a preposition with the main meaning ‘up to, till’, and the meaning of direction. There are some other meanings, but nevertheless, it is just a preposition.
In one of its meanings “Да” is a conjunction meaning ‘and’, which is old and nowadays is used mainly in some set phrases or if the author wants to use kind of ‘old style’, also ironically.
In this case “Совет да любовь” is quite an old phrase where “да” means ‘and’.
Svetlana:
Sorry for a typo – crucial, of course)