Lets imagine that you get invited to dinner at the home of a Russian couple and you don’t speak Russian. Would you find it rude if they occasionally spoke Russian in front of you? How about if they translated it so you could understand it? We all know what it feels like to be around people speaking a language we don’t understand. This is what today’s post will be about: is it rude to speak a foreign language in front of those that do not speak it?

When my mother and I first came to America, she knew approximately 50-70 words in English. I, on the other hand, had been learning it for over ten years by that point. Understandably, when we had dinner or social gatherings with people that were not Russian, which was all the time, my mother and I often spoke in Russian. Mainly, I was telling her what was being said and she told me what she would like to communicate to others. Some of the people were a bit uncomfortable at times. I heard somebody once say, “You’re in America now, talk American.” This was a bit laughable to me but I understood their point of view – when in Rome…

Some of the reasons you might feel uncomfortable while in the presence of people speaking other languages include a sense of insecurity. You may think that people are speaking ill of you right in front of you, but not too you. My mother-in-law, to this day, thinks that this is what people are doing when they speak another language in front of her. Perhaps, this is true in some cases, but I know that I wouldn’t do it. My husband shared a story about being in Italy with some friends at a bar and one of his party was saying something about the girls at the next table over from them. After enough was said, one of the girls got up and stood directly in front of them and said that they all understood English – guess the guys likely felt like fools! My husband’s party erroneously assumed that the girls didn’t understand what was being said – ouch.

Other reasons why people may not appreciate your speaking another language in front of them has to do with inclusion and exclusion. While we are all speaking the same language, everybody feels included. Once somebody slips in the foreign language, somebody may feel excluded. I can understand not wanting to feel like I am not part of the conversation. I would dare say though, that you can feel excluded even if everybody is speaking the same language. For example, so many times when my husband gets together with old friends and I find myself going along, they talk incessantly about “old times” while I’m just sitting their mentally rolling my eyes. I understand everything being said but am not really included in their discussion.

Obviously, it is better to include everybody in the conversation when possible. I don’t know anybody who loves to be left out, whether it be a discussion or anything else. Whether or not it is rude to speak a foreign language in front of others really depends on the circumstances. When my mom and I are in the company of Americans discussing something, she doesn’t always understand all that is being said. I explain in Russian what she doesn’t understand – this is not rude. Sometimes she likes to reply in a manner that doesn’t fit her current speaking capacity so she’ll tell me what she wishes to convey in Russian, and then I’ll translate it to the group in English – I believe this is okay too. If we were to carry on and on in Russian, it would be rude.

With many of you learning to speak Russian, you may find that if you run into a Russian speaking individual in your native country, you’ll want to speak to them in Russian just to practice what you’ve spent much time and effort learning. Do you think that this would be rude? I certainly don’t.

I suppose in America, which is considered to be the world’s great “melting pot,”  people are more used to hearing foreign language.  They are so used to hearing it that they find it annoying; annoying to the point where one might feel like “come on, people, speak English!” I can certainly relate to the feeling after living here for well over a decade. In Russia, especially in areas outside of Moscow, foreign language is not heard nearly as often, so it carries a certain degree of mysterious appeal, people are more curious when they hear it; rarely are they annoyed.

What are your thoughts on this issue? How do you feel when people speak a foreign language in front of you? Please share your experiences :-).