By now even people who don’t watch TV (count me in), don’t listen to the radio (me again), and donate unopened and unread sports sections of newspapers to local pet shelters (well, I compost mine, but you get the idea) have heard of «чемпионат мира по футболу» [the World Cup].

To my great surprise, I found out that «российская сборная» [Russian team] didn’t qualify for the event. And all this time I thought that «футбол» [soccer] was one of the most «популярный» [popular] sports in Russia. What gave me such an impression?

It might have been jokes such as

«Mуж уcтрaивaетcя в креcле перед телевизором и говорит жене: – Милaя, не хочешь ли ты мне что-нибудь cкaзaть, покa не нaчaлcя футбольный cезон?»

[A husband is getting comfortable in a chair in front of the TV and asks his wife: – Darling, is there anything you’d like to tell me before the soccer season begins?]

I guess, watching lots of games on TV doesn’t amount to getting any good at playing them. Well, there’s at least something in common between American football and soccer.

Fortunately, Russians are fabulous at transforming even the most bitter disappointments and failures into funny «анекдоты» [jokes]. You can say that Russian soccer team’s performance is a joke, literally:

«Футбольный клуб «Спартак» продал одного из своих лучших игроков в Бразилию. Теперь этот крепкий, здоровый парень по 18 часов в день работает на кофейной плантации.»

[Soccer team “Spartak” traded one of its top players to Brazil. Now this strong and healthy young man works 18-hour days on a Brazilian coffee plantation.]

And while traditionally some of the blame is passed on to the «арбитр» [referee] –

«Судью на мыло!» [Make soap out of the referee!] is one of the mildest cries of dissatisfaction with referee’s decisions – many fans agree that there is a bigger problem:

«Нет повести печальнее на свете,
Чем повесть о Ромео и Джульете.
На сей момент вопрос довольно спорный –
Печальней повесть о российской сборной…»

[For never was a story of more woe

Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

But hold, there’s a woe to that supreme –

Performance of the Russian soccer team…]

Not that there are no good soccer teams in Russia, just the opposite (or so I hear). BTW, feel free to nominate your favorite Russian soccer team in the comments or on the Facebook page.

Personally, I’m going to nominate «Ротор» [Rotor] simply because they are from Volgograd. Besides, I loved a YouTube clip in which the commentator described the team as having «хороший российский футбольный бэкграунд» [good Russian soccer background], whatever that means. Plus the video showed some of the familiar sites around the city.

Well, since Russian team is not playing in the World Cup 2010, «за кого россияне будут болеть» [for which team will the Russians cheer]?

According to a poll by Superjob.ru, 33% of Russians don’t care about soccer (!), saying that it’s «пустая трата времени» [a waste of time] and promising «даже смотреть не буду» [I won’t even watch it].

24% of those polled will watch, but won’t get behind any of the teams. Some of the foreign «сборные» [teams] that Russians will cheer for include «Англия» [Great Britain], «Германия» [Germany], «Бразилия» [Brazil], «Испания» [Spain] and «Италия» [Italy].

If you are a soccer fan, then you’re probably already looking forward to the World Cup 2018. Well, Russia put its bid in proposing a choice of 14 venues, including Volgograd and Yekaterinburg. However, only half of Russians (again, according to Superjob.ru) support the bid.

The rest either doesn’t care (almost a third of respondents) or oppose the idea saying that «эти деньги лучше направить на развитие науки и производства» [the money would be better spent building up science and manufacturing] and «надо больше думать о повседневной жизни» [more attention must be paid to the day-to-day life].

But not all is doom and gloom when it comes to Russian soccer teams. Have you heard of Russian «сборная по пляжному футболу» [beach soccer team]? I haven’t either until just a few days ago. Turns out, it became a 2009 European League gold medalist and won 2010 Beach Soccer World Cup in Rome.

So it looks like even though traditional soccer might not be «чем Россия сильна» [where Russia’s strength lies], but «пляжный футбол» [beach soccer] is.