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Practice your comprehension skills in German with jokes Posted by on Mar 20, 2013 in Language

Being able to form sentences in German is one part of linguistic competence. Understanding written and spoken content is also important for successful foreign language acquisition. Below, you find three jokes in German and their appropriate English translations. When you are a beginner of learning German as a foreign language, you should read the English version first in order to get the content of the text, and then read the German version of it.

When you are an advanced learner of German, you can start with the German version and then check with the English one whether you could understand everything as meant to be.

 

Ein Betrunkener stolpert in eine katholische Kirche, setzt sich in den Beichtstuhl und sagt nichts. Der Priester wartet und wartet und wartet. Der Priester hustet, um so die Aufmerksamkeit des Betrunkenen zu wecken, aber der Mann sagt immer noch nichts. In seinem letzten Versuch, den Mann zum Reden zu bringen, klopft der Priester schließlich dreimal an die Wand.Endlich antwortet der Betrunkene: „hat keinen Sinn, zu klopfen, mein Freund. Hier gibt’s kein Toilettenpapier.“
A drunken man staggers into a Catholic church, sits down in the confessional and says nothing.The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting. The priest coughs to attract the drunken man’s attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.Finally the drunk replies, “no use knockin’, pal. There’s no toilet paper.”

 

Ein Mann beschließt, die günstige Gelegenheit zu nutzen und während der Abwesenheit seiner Frau den hölzernen Toilettensitz zu streichen. Die Frau kommt früher als erwartet zurück, setzt sich und der Sitz klebt an ihrem Hinterteil fest. Verständlicherweise ist sie außer sich und bittet ihren Mann, sie zum Arzt zu fahren. Sie zieht einen großen Mantel an, um den festklebenden Sitz zu verstecken und die beiden gehen los. Als sie beim Arzt ankommen, hebt der Mann den Mantel seiner Frau hoch, um das Missgeschick zu zeigen.Der Mann fragt: „Herr Doktor, haben Sie jemals so etwas gesehen?“

„Ja“, antwortet der Arzt, „aber noch nie gerahmt.“

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the wooden toilet seat. The wife returns sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear.She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to covert he stuck seat, and they go. When they get to the doctor’s, the man lifts his wife’s coat to show their predicament.The man asks, “Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?”

“Well, yes,” the doctor replies, “but never framed.”

 

Ein siebenjähriges Mädchen erzählt ihrer Mutter: “Ein Junge aus meiner Klasse wollte mit mir Doktor spielen.” “Oh je”, seufzte die Mutter nervös, “was ist passiert, Liebling?”“Nichts, erst sagte er, ich müsse 45 Minuten warten, und dann hat er der Versicherung eine doppelte Rechnung geschickt.”
A seven-year old girl told her mum: “A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.”“Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed, “what happened, honey?”“Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

 

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About the Author: Sandra Rösner

Hello everybody! I studied English and American Studies, Communication Science, and Political Science at the University of Greifswald. Since I have been learning English as a second language myself for almost 20 years now I know how difficult it is to learn a language other than your native one. Thus, I am always willing to keep my explanations about German grammar comprehensible and short. Further, I am inclined to encourage you to speak German in every situation. Regards, Sandra


Comments:

  1. EP:

    I’ve got one for you!

    Der Lehrer bittet Fritzchen zu schätzen, wie hoch die
    Schule ist. “1,30m”, antwortet Fritzchen.
    “Und wie kommst du darauf?”, fragt der Lehrer.
    “Ich bin 1,50m und die Schule steht mir bis zum Hals.”

    The teacher asks little Fritz to estimate how high the school building is.
    “About 1 meter 30,” Little Fritz says.
    “And how on earth did you reach that conclusion?” the teacher asked.
    “Well, I’m 1 meter 50 and I’ve had school right about up to here.”

    Germans say they’ve had it up to the throat when they’ve had enough of something.

  2. Alan Grift:

    I think it is really worth learning German! Especially these jokes! Thanks a bunch!