Personally, I’ve always found humour a really useful means of helping me to improve my Italian. Our zio (uncle) Luciano who is in his 80’s is an inexhaustible font of battute (jokes), many of which have stuck in my mind and helped me out later on, not only in making an attempt at getting a laugh out of Italian friends, but also in terms of enhancing my colloquial vocabulary. Here is a small selection of battute that I found on the internet, together with my translations.

That moment in which you find yourself trapped in the corner of the shower because suddenly only cold water comes out

I really really really love you – Uh silly little thing

foolish  boy – stupid girl

cretin – idiot

ass-hole – whore

I HATE YOU – I HATE YOU EVEN MORE 

Mother! Father! – What?

I’ve got a girl pregnant – You What?

I was joking, I didn’t pass the maths exam – Thank God!

Manipulate the news to get escape trouble with your parents

LIKE A BOSS

MY FATHER AT 2 IN THE MORNING – turn that shit off and go to sleep!

My school – What I see – What my parents see – What the teachers see