In the latest number of «Русский репортёр» (№12, April 2-9 2009) there’s an interview with the professional ice skaters Яна Хохлова [Yana Khokhlova] and Сергей Новицкий [Sergey Novitsky], in which they not only ponder the imperative inquiry «Можно ли станцевать гимн России?» [It is possible to dance Russia’s national anthem?], but also answer many other questions.

You can try, and probably succeed, at removing the Russian out of the ice skating rink, but you can never take the ice skating out of the Russian. The sport «фигурноекатание» [figure skating] is to the Russian people what it is to few other people in the world – but hey, everybody loves figure skating, right? Speaking for myself I must confess that I’m known to frown at all kinds of sports from beach volleyball to bobsledding, but can – when similar situations are presented – watch three sports with some extent of pleasure: horses jumping, people diving and couples dressed in sequins dancing on ice. The last sport wasn’t on my ‘extensive’ list until I ended up in Russia; I even remember that there was a time in my life when I didn’t know who Плющенко [Evgeni Plushenko] was. Sometime during 2005 he visited Omsk (I was living there back then), and one of my teachers got so excited that she talked of nothing else for about a week in advance and at least a month afterwards. She even used the grand happening to teach us the ‘double-negative-makes-the-sentence-even-more-positive’ rule of Russian language with the following example: «Янемогланесходитьпосмотретьнанего!» [I couldn’t not go and look at him!]. Now if someone doesn’t know who Плющенко is, then that person must also have missed when Дима Билан won the Eurovision Song Contest last year – he performed his song with the famous ice skater dancing in the background (and the larger part of the Russian population firmly believes that’s why he won. And who could argue with that?). Anyway, if you’re looking for a sure way to make friends with Russians during the eight months long ‘winter and in-between-season-period’, all you need to do is buy a pair of (or why just not rent some at the stadium?) «коньки» [pl. (sg. «конёк») skates, ice skates] and head out on the ice «кататьсянаконьках» [to go (ice) skating]. Or, if there’s no ice to be found around, then just strike up a conversation about «танцынальду» [ice dancing] and you’ll have scored an invitation over to have tea with their babushka in no time!

Reading the paper every week is very educational. I find out lots of new things every week and this week was no exception. It even surprised me that the most interesting thing in this week’s edition of ‘Russian Reporter’ was an interview with two young figure skaters, who won the European Championships recently this year: «ЯнаХохловаиСергейНовицкий: Всеотнасвшоке!» [Yana Khokhlova and Sergey Novitskij: Everyone’s in shock because of us!] And why is the interview so interesting? First of all, because the subject in itself is fascinating – figure skating, that is, and secondly: because their answers to the journalist’s question read like they’ve been said in one voice by one person, and not two. Now that’s how in sync you must be in order to make it big in the competitive world of figure skating! Especially the following question plus answer proved very educational for me:

«А тебя не смущало, что фигурное катание повсеместно считается женским видом спорта? Многие полагают, что если в нём и есть мужчины, то они непременно нетрадиционной сексуальной ориентации.» [It didn’t bother you that figure skating everywhere is considered a female sport? Many people assume that if there are men in (figure skating), then they’re bound to be of un-traditional sexual orientation.]

Сергей: «В российском фигурном катании гомиков нет, заявляю официально! У нас – не только в сборной, а вообще в фигурном катании – лица нетрадиционной сексуальной ориентации отсутствуют. Это всё беды, на мой взгляд, американского континента, ну, и в какой-то мере европейского…» [In Russian figure skating there are no (homosexuals –гомик is a really not good nor kind word), I declare that officially! We don’t have – not only in the all-stars team, but in figure skating in general – any persons of un-traditional sexual orientation. That’s purely the misfortunes of, in my opinion, the American continent, well, to extent also the European…]

Яна: «Россию это не затронуло и, я надеюсь, не затронет никогда.» [It hasn’t affected Russia and I hope that it will never affect (it).]

Enough about that, let’s cut to the chase – how about dancing on ice to «Россия– священнаянашадержава» [Russia – our sacred power] and then making a whirl while the audience sings «Славься, нашеОтечество свободное» [Renown yourself, our free Fatherland]?

«У вас есть программа вашей мечты, которую хотелось бы исполнить?» [Do you have a dream program that you would like to perform?]

Сергей: «У меня гениальная идея родилась! Нужно сделать произвольную под гимн России – её всем придётся стоя смотреть.» [I just got an ingenious idea! We have to do a free dance to Russia’s national anthem – and everyone will have to watch it standing up.]

Яна: «Идеально!» [That’s great (ideal)!]

Сергей: «Судьям придётся встать. Гимн ведь в полном варианте длинный, его хватит. И в правилах не сказано, что нельзя гимн брать.» [The judges will have to stand up. The anthem in its full version is long, it will be enough. And in the rules there’s not anything about that it’s forbidden to pick an anthem.]

Who knows? Maybe we’ll see them do that in a near future? What do you think of this idea? Or is it just a tad too much patriotism to combine something already so Russian as figure skating with the country’s song?