Russian Language Blog
Menu
Search

Russian Humor – Is It Any Different? Posted by on Mar 17, 2015 in Culture, History, Russian life, Soviet Union, Traditions, when in Russia

In light of all of the “negative” news about Russia lately, and the rest of the world for that matter, I decided that maybe a little humor would be appreciated. I hope to inject a bit of humor into your life with a few jokes about aspects of life in Russia at different times. They are not meant to offend and should be taken as being lighthearted attempts to elicit laughter and sharing. Hope you enjoy :-). But first, I would like to share some new Russian vocabulary.

У тебя прекрасное чувство юмора! – You have a great sense of humor! 
Я плохо запоминаю шутки – I don’t usually remember jokes. 
Ну у тебя и шуточки. – I am not into your jokes. (OR) I find your jokes inappropriate/disturbing. 
Я ценю хорошее чувство юмора в людях. – I appreciate good sense of humor in people. 
Смех улучшает здоровье. – Laughter improves health. 
Мне было очень смешно на них смотреть.  – It was very funny to look at them. 
Я люблю веселые компании. – I love hanging out with fun people. 
Я смеюсь, чтобы не заплакать. – I laugh so I don’t start crying. 
Над собой тоже нужно уметь смеяться. – You have to be able to laugh at yourself sometimes. 

“How does a Russian joke start?”

“By looking over their shoulder.”

“What is Communism?”
“The Poles say its the longest and most painful road that leads to Capitalism.”

“What did Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles?”
“Electricity.”

“What is the difference between Capitalism and Communism?”
“In Capitalism, man exploits man, and in Communism its the other way around.”

“What is the difference between an English and Russian fairy tale?”
“An English one begins with ‘Once upon a time…..,’ and a Russian one with ‘It will be soon….’”

“What should you do if vodka interferes with the job?”
“Get off the job.”

“Both the constitution of the United States and Soviet Union guarantee freedom of speech, so what is the difference between the two?”
“The U.S. Constitution also guarantees freedom after the speech.”

“In 2015 a young boy asks his grandpa, ‘What is a line?'”
“Well,” the grandpa says, “twenty five years ago there was not enough meat in stores so people formed long queues at stores’ entrances hoping some would appear on sale. That was called a line. Do you understand?”
“Yes grandpa. But what is meat?”

The seven paradoxes of the communist state: Nobody works but the plan is fulfilled. The plan is fulfilled but the shelves in the stores are empty. The shelves are empty but nobody starves. Nobody starves but everyone is unhappy. Everyone is unhappy but nobody complains. Nobody complains but the jails are full.

A woman walks into a food store. “Do you have any meat?”
“No we don’t.”
“What about milk?”
“We only offer meat. Across the street is the store where they have no milk.”

A guard asks a political prisoner, “How long is your sentence?”
“Ten years.”
“What for?”
“For nothing.”
“You are lying!” the guard laughs. “For nothing they give you five years.”

“What is the difference between the pound, the ruble, and the dollar?”
“A pound of rubles is worth a dollar.”

Sometimes laughter is the best medicine. Hopefully, at least one of these have put a smile on your face. Though some of these jokes came about as the result of a very difficult period in Russian history, they contain a glimpse of the reality of living life behind “Iron Curtain.” Scarcity of food and other essential items was common, as was the line you waited in to procure these items if they became available. Should you have a party of ten people in an apartment, it was a good bet that at least one of them was an informant and that nine of them might soon end up in jail. Forced confessions were more common than a cold. Times were difficult but the people survived, just as they will now. As one who appreciates the value in telling and laughing at jokes, I welcome any of yours as long as they are in good taste:-)

Всего хорошего!

Keep learning Russian with us!

Build vocabulary, practice pronunciation, and more with Transparent Language Online. Available anytime, anywhere, on any device.

Try it Free Find it at your Library
Share this:
Pin it

About the Author: Jenya

Born in Russia, I spent the first twenty years of my life in Orenburg, Russia and Mogilev, Belarus. For the last eleven years, I've lived in New Hampshire and Michigan, US. While I continue to absorb and adapt to American culture, I am always thrilled to share my Russian heritage with those who find it interesting. Travel, photography and art play a special part in my life. Twitter: @iamnx2u


Comments:

  1. Moonyeen Albrecht:

    Thanks, Jenya. I enjoyed these very much and a humorous post was perfect for today. May I add another? I hope no one will take offense.

    What is the difference between a Russian pessimist and a Russian optimist?
    A Russian pessimist says: “Oh, things are SO bad, they can’t possibly get worse!”
    A Russian optimist responds: “Oh, yes they can.”

  2. Jenya:

    Муни, прекрасное дополнение. Спасибо!

  3. samonen:

    – Дайте хлебу.
    – Пожалуйста.
    – Слава Богу!
    – Дайте молока.
    – Пожалуйста.
    – Слава Богу!
    – Не примешайте бога к этому! Это благодаря Партии и правительству у нас всё это есть.
    – Дайте мяса.
    – Мяса нету.
    – Слава Партии и правительству! Дайте кофе.
    – Кофе нету.
    – Слава Партии и правительтву!

  4. Jenya:

    Ха-ха-ха! Спасибо, Samonen.

  5. John Di Carlo:

    it is 1923. An elderly woman from the Russian countryside goes to Moscow Zoo for the first time. Upon seeing a camel she clasps her hands to her cheeks and screams, “Look what the Bolsheviks have done to that poor horse!”

  6. Jörg:

    Спасибо, Женя, за этот пост. Это была хорошая идея!
    Особенно мне понравился третий анекдот от конца. Очень смешно!

    Иностранцев учат русскому языку:
    – Это стол?
    – Да, это стол.
    – Это стул?
    – Да, это стул.
    – А это что?
    – Да, это что.

    Раньше перед тем как оркестры пускали заграницу они должны были показать свой номер проверяющему из пограничного контрольно-пропускного пункта. Вот, был такой случай. После того как оркестр показал свой номер, проверяющий показывая на литаврщика спросил: «А почему вон тот музыкант так мало играет?» Ему отвечают: «У него партия такая.» Проверяющий говорит: «Партия у нас всех одна и стучать надо почаще.»

    — А так как Бог любит троицу – еще один…
    Встречаются два невидимых человека.
    Говорит один другому: “Давно не виделись!”

  7. Jenya:

    Jorg, спасибо большое! Очень смешная подборка.
    Если кому-то непонятно, “стучать” во второй шутке имеет двойное значение: “ударять, играть на инструменте” и “докладывать, to be a snitch.”

  8. Jörg:

    Точно, стоило отметить! Спасибо.
    А “партия” тоже имеет двойное значение.. 🙂
    Хорошего дня!

  9. Jenya:

    Спасибо! Да-да, Вы верно заметили про “партию” ( music part and political party).

  10. Malana Ganz:

    A visitor in Moscow was riding in a taxi when he saw two men working beside the street. One man was digging a hole, and the second man was filling it up again. The visitor asked the taxi driver, “What are they doing?” The taxi driver stopped, and went to ask. Soon he returned, shaking his head.

    “They are planting trees.”
    “Planting trees? I don’t see any trees!”
    “Well, the man who is supposed to put the trees in the hole didn’t show up to work today1”

    also…

    Two chickens, one Russian and one American, were in heaven. The American chicken was boasting about her size and beautiful feathers. The Russian chicken had very few feathers and her skin looked blue.

    “Don’t you wish you looked like me, so fat and healthy?” asked the American.

    “No,” replied the Russian, “I died a natural death.”